Shinigami's Cup
by Everybody's Neesan
Summary: Collection of short ridiculous scenes, similar to the real Shinigami's Cup. Good for a laugh!
1. Days Like This

I love the Shinigami's Cup so much that I decided to have one of my own. I'm looking for requests for further short one-shots, and promise to dedicate that chapter to the idea-provider!

I own nobody in this.

* * *

Hitsugaya leaned back in his chair, rubbing his forehead. The stack of paperwork on his desk seemed as tall as when he'd started, and as usual, there was no sign of his vice-captain.

"One day, I'm going to freeze her to a chair and _make_ her do her share!" he muttered angrily.

"Taichou!" a cheerful voice rang through the office. "Are you here, taichou?"

"In here, doing the _paperwork_," he called.

As usual, Matsumoto took no notice of the hint, and breezed into his office. "I'm on my way to deliver Hinamori's reports to Shuuhei, but Ukitake-taichou asked me to give these to you first. See you later, taichou!"

And with that, she was gone, leaving a pile of sweets in the middle of his desk and a fuming Hitsugaya slowly getting angrier and angrier.

"Calm down," he told himself, teeth gritted tightly as he massaged his temples. "She can't help being annoying; all the sake she drinks destroyed her brain. Calm down, calm down…"

Letting his senses spread, the small white-haired captain felt for anyone nearby, but didn't feel any reiatsu in the building that wasn't his own. Even so, he looked around furtively and shut the office door before slumping back in his chair and letting his eyes close.

Drawn by the air of sheer despair, Hyourinmaru materialised, and taking one look at his partner, said sympathetically, _She's been that bad again, huh?_

"You have no idea," Hitsugaya sighed.

He dropped back into his chair and leaned back a little, then with one hand resting on Hyourinmaru's head, he began forming little ice darts and throwing them at the picture of Matsumoto he kept on the back of his door especially for days like this.

* * *

Remember, I'm looking for requests! 


	2. Spiky Part 1

OK, I've come up with a plan. I will update this every Saturday as long as I have stories to post (so please send requests). I have had one already, and would like to thank Annoymous Fan 222 for the excellent suggestion, and say that it is coming up soon.

This is a two-part Shinigami's Cup, and the second half will be up on Saturday.

Title: Spiky (Part 1)

Featuring: Kenpachi, Yachiru

Time: Not long after he became captain

* * *

"So, there's a big Hollow loose in the real world, and they want a captain to deal with it?" Zaraki Kenpachi asked lazily, staring at the trembling messenger in front of him through a curtain of hair. He grinned. "Good. I've been bored lately."

x

"Where are we going, Ken-chan? Tell me!" Yachiru asked.

"To the real world," he answered. "There's a Hollow we get to go play with."

"How about Baldy and Girly? Are they coming to play too?" she asked, bouncing with excitement at the thought of a battle for Ken-chan.

"No, it's just us today."

"Z-Zaraki-taichou!" a nervous shinigami stammered as they arrived. "The g-gate has b-been prepared for you and Kusajishi-fukutaichou to go to the real world. Gigai will be awaiting you on the other side."

Zaraki just grunted and stepped through as Yachiru blew a raspberry at the unfortunate gate attendant. "What do we need gigai for anyway?" he asked aloud. "One Hollow isn't going to take long; we'll be back soon."

"But Ken-chan, the message boy said the gate's being closed tonight to stop Big-booby's party spilling out into the real world," Yachiru said with a giggle. "Remember? Last time, she and Pineapple-Head and Ink-face and the others went to the real world and were doing naughty things without any clothes on…"

"Heh, the runt should learn to control his subordinates," Kenpachi replied, remembering the massive uproar it caused as old man Yamamoto lectured the errant tenth squad lieutenant and her friends.

"We're here!" Yachiru cried suddenly.

The gate opened into a room that was empty except for two boxes marked 'Captain' and 'Lieutenant'. "Oh, a present!" Yachiru squealed, dropping off Kenpachi's shoulder and scurrying over to her box. She tore at the box, and soon had pulled out a flaccid body dressed in a little pink dress.

"These must be the gigai," Kenpachi sighed. "Geez, what a pain."

He ripped open his box, and stared in disgust at the body within. "I hate whoever left this here," he muttered.

"Hey, this is like that thing that Girly wanted me to wear," Yachiru said in realisation, twirling around in her gigai so the dress spun out. "He said I look pretty in it. What do you think, Ken-chan?"

"I think it's disturbing seeing you like that," he answered, struggling into his own.

She laughed happily. "Baldy said that too!"

* * *

I couldn't remember exactly what Yachiru calls everyone, but I think the names I came up with are Yachiru-like. 

Requests are very much appreciated.


	3. Spiky Part 2

As promised, here's Saturday, so here's the next episode of Shinigami's Cup. And thank you to SecondToNon for the next request!

Title: Spiky (Part 2)

Featuring: Kenpachi, Yachiru

Time: Right after the last chapter

* * *

"Where's the Hollow?" Kenpachi asked, running along the footpath.

"It's that way!" Yachiru cried, pointing to the left with a happy smile. People stared as a scarred thug with an eye-patch dressed like a street punk ran past with a little girl in a pink dress hanging from his shoulder. "I'm sure this time!"

"You'd better be right," he muttered, changing direction. "I'm starting to get bored with this…"

The roar of a Hollow interrupted him, and he grinned in triumph as a Hollow taller than the surrounding skyscrapers reared its head in the park ahead of them.

"Take care of the baggage!" he roared, jumping out of his gigai and letting it crumple to the ground. "This bastard's mine!"

"You never let me play, Ken-chan," Yachiru said with a pout, easily picking up his body and depositing it on a park bench.

x

"So we're staying here until Big-booby's drunk herself unconscious?" Yachiru asked, dashing around the room and inspecting every corner.

"Yeah," Kenpachi answered, letting his back hit the wall near a corner and slide down until he was sitting against it. He'd forgotten about the limit placed on him in the real world, and the Hollow had gotten in a few decent hits before he'd started concentrating on the battle.

Yachiru shot a concerned glance at him, but her attention was quickly drawn away by a strange white rectangle low on the wall next to the one he was leaning against. She scurried over to it and prodded it, and let a giggle as the little buttons clicked on and off. Quickly growing bored, she looked around for something to stick in the holes, and her eyes alighted on Kenpachi's sword, still loosely held in his hand.

x

The next morning, the gate attendant's mouth nearly hit the floor when Kenpachi and Yachiru returned, his face as blank as ever while Yachiru was smothering giggles. "Hey, Big Mouth!" she exclaimed, catching sight of the gaping shinigami. "Do you like Ken-chan's new hairstyle?"

"Say the wrong word and I'll kill you," Kenpachi said, letting a flicker of his murderous reiatsu through.

"I-I-It's w-wonderful, Zaraki-taichou!" the unfortunate boy stuttered, dropping to the ground in obeisance. "V-Very t-tough!"

Kenpachi snorted and continued on his way, Yachiru trailing him and still giggling. When they were out of sight, the boy got to his feet. "Spiky?" he wondered aloud.

* * *

And so was born Kenpachi's hairstyle!


	4. Renji's Bad Hair Day

Sorry this is a little late; it took me until late afternoon to remember it was Saturday.

Title: Renji's Bad Hair Day

Featuring: Renji, Hinamori, Byakuya

* * *

"Kuso!" Renji swore as the hair band broke and snapped painfully against his fingers. One hand still keeping his hair in a horsetail, he fumbled through his desk for another band, and swore again as he realised there were none left.

"I can't leave it like this!" he complained. "I washed it this morning and ran out of gel; if I can't tie it back, it…"

"Good morning, Abarai-kun! I've got the reports for you!" Hinamori said, poking her head in through the doorway to his office. Caught off-guard, Renji let out an undignified yelp and tripped over his chair to land sprawled out on the floor with his hair escaping and going in all directions.

"Oh, Abarai-kun! Are you all right?" she asked, hiding a tiny smile as she scurried around the desk to help him back up.

"My hair is driving me mad today!" he said with such a fierce glare at the offending mess that it was a surprise it didn't burst into flame. "And all of my damn hair ties are broken!"

"Why don't you borrow one of mine?" Hinamori suggested, and reaching up to her bun, pulled off the cover so a long snake of hair fell halfway to the floor. She tugged one of the regularly spaced hair bands off and handed it to him. "Keep it as long as you need it."

"You're a life-saver, Hinamori," Renji said gratefully. He gathered up all of his hair and pulled it back into its usual spiky ponytail.

x

"You're late."

The calm voice of his captain made Renji gulp nervously as he approached Byakuya's desk to deliver a sheaf of paperwork. "I… had a little trouble this morning, Kuchiki-taichou."

"Trouble? Of what sort?" Byakuya asked, not looking up from his work.

"Nothing…" Renji froze. He was sure he had just heard a creaking noise. "Did you hear that, sir?"

"Hear what?"

Once again, Renji heard something creak and groan, as if under enormous pressure. "There it is again!"

"It is obvious that you are unable to work efficiently today, Abarai," Byakuya said, turning his cool gaze onto the redhead. "I suggest you leave…"

"Oh no…" Renji whispered, finally realising that the sound was coming from somewhere just behind and above him. "Please no…"

With a final groan, the borrowed hair tie gave way, and Renji's hair flopped all over his face. Unfortunately for him, the short time it had been tied back had allowed it to partially dry, and each dry strand, unfettered by its usual burden of gel, had become frizzy.

Byakuya looked at the frizzy, snarled and spiky mess that completely covered his lieutenant, and sighed. "Why didn't you just say you were having a bad hair day?"

* * *

My hair isn't quite this bad, but some days, it comes close. 


	5. Things That Go Roar In The Night

This week's episode is brought to you at the request of Annoymous Fan 222, who asked for an episode with Rukia and Byakuya staying at the Kuchiki manor together. Enjoy!

Title: Things That Go Roar In The Night

Featuring: Rukia, Byakuya

Time: Pre-series

* * *

Rukia sat up suddenly, gasping for air and clenching her blanket with both hands. "What… a horrible dream," she panted. "That thing was going to eat me!"

As her breathing became calmer, Rukia became aware of a noise coming from somewhere deeper in the house; a deep, roaring noise that filled her with a dark foreboding.

"My dream must have been a warning!" she whispered. "The thing is inside the house!"

Rukia got up, and padded to the wardrobe where her shinigami uniform hung. She pulled it on, and picking up her zanpakutou, crept to the door and slid it open. With one hand firmly on the hilt of her sword, she glided silently through the hallways of the Kuchiki manor, every sense straining for any sign of danger.

As she got closer to where she knew Byakuya slept, the noise grew louder and louder, and her heart began to beat faster and faster, until it became so loud she feared it would alert the thing.

The noise abruptly cut off, and Rukia stopped dead. She couldn't see anything, but it had sounded like she was practically on top of it. What if the thing was invisible? What if it was sneaking up behind her and…

"Rukia?"

Rukia let out a strangled yelp and spun, trying to draw her zanpakutou at the same time. Unfortunately, the sheath got tangled in her legs, sending her crashing to the floor at the feet of a very surprised Byakuya. "_What _do you think you are doing?" he asked, one eyebrow ascending into sleep-mussed hair.

Rukia scrambled to her feet and bowed, glad of the semi-darkness that hid her crimson cheeks. "I am sorry, Nii-sama. I did not mean to disturb you."

"Is there a reason you are stalking around near my room in the middle of the night armed?" he asked as his eyes grew colder.

"I… I thought I heard something, so I came to investigate," she admitted shamefacedly. "Please forgive me, Nii-sama."

"I heard nothing," he said curtly. "And I am a very light sleeper. Return to your room, Rukia." And with that, he turned around and entered his own room, sliding the door shut and ignoring Rukia's apologetic bow.

As Rukia straightened, she realised she was missing a shoe. She sighed and began looking around only to find it wedged in Byakuya's door. Silently cursing her luck, she crouched and started to tug at it, but froze as the roaring began again. And it was coming from Byakuya's room.

Rukia slid the door a little further open and peered inside, but what she saw made her blink, frown thoughtfully, then retreat slowly. Bending down and slipping her shoe back on, she murmured thoughtfully to herself, "Nii-sama snores?"

* * *

Hope you liked it!


	6. Who Gave Him That?

Hey, did anyone see the Shinigami's Cup at the end of Episode 161? I loved it, but I wish I'd thought of it first!

Title: Who Gave Him That?

Featuring: Hitsugaya, Renji, Matsumoto, Orihime

Time: Early Arrancar arc, when they're posted in the real world

* * *

"You should try some, Hitsugaya-taichou," Renji said encouragingly.

Hitsugaya peered suspiciously into the mug Renji pushed across the table. "What is it?"

"They call it coffee," Renji answered, secretly proud he'd remembered the strange name. "People in this world use it to wake up in the morning."

"Well, I could do with that," Hitsugaya muttered, picking up the mug and bringing it to his lips.

"Uh… taichou, they usually add sugar to it first…" Renji began, but stopped as he was fixed with an ice-cold stare.

"I don't like sugar," he said flatly, and took a sip.

x

"What happened?" Matsumoto demanded, her hands on her hips as she stared Renji down.

"He just had a few sips; I didn't think it would affect him like this!" Renji protested.

High above them, Hitsugaya let out a giggle, and bounced even higher on the roof, ignoring the worried crowd below. Someone had called the police, and they were extending a ladder upwards to try and retrieve the hyperactive boy.

"We need to do something! If word gets back to Soul Society that Hitsugaya-taichou is acting like this… He'll be fired for sure!" Matsumoto wailed. "And what other captain would let me get away with doing as little as I do?"

Renji shot her a sidelong glance. "So you admit that you're irresponsible and lazy…" he mused.

Matsumoto turned to him and gave him a dazzling smile. "But never to anyone in authority!" she said brightly.

Renji sweat-dropped, and turned his attention back to Hitsugaya. "So what do we do now?"

"I have an idea! Get up there and grab him, then bring him back to Orihime's place!" Matsumoto said, and disappeared.

"Leave me to do the dirty work…" Renji muttered.

x

When Orihime got home, she found Matsumoto kneeling beside Hitsugaya as on the TV, a news reporter was talking about a mysterious white-haired boy who could fly. "Ano… Rangiku-san?" she asked. "What are you doing?"

"Taichou isn't feeling well," Matsumoto explained.

"Is that because you are holding his head in a bucket of water?" Orihime asked.

Hitsugaya surfaced from the bucket, dripping, and glared at his fukutaichou. "Just because I do this to sober you up doesn't mean you can do it to me!" he spluttered.

"Good! That sounds more like you, taichou!" Matsumoto said with a smile, and let him go.

Ignoring her, Hitsugaya clutched at his head and groaned. "That is the last time I ever have coffee."

* * *

Please excuse the OOCness, but hyperactive Hitsugaya on a caffeine high is fun! 


	7. Transferred Again

This week's episode comes to you at the request of SecondtoNon, who asked for a follow-up to Volume 15's omake (it's on YouTube if you haven't read it), where Matsumoto convinced Hitsugaya to become a shinigami. Hope you enjoy it!

Title: Transferred Again

Featuring: Matsumoto, Hitsugaya

Time: Pre-series

* * *

Matsumoto slouched further down in her seat and sighed. She always hated this. Every time she was transferred between divisions she had to go through this boring process of waiting to meet her new captain and watching the reaction. If the captain was male, this would be staring and drooling, and if female, jealousy and envy.

"I don't even know why Kuchiki-taichou transferred me out," she muttered sullenly. "I mean, it's not like I did anything…"

"Maybe that's why," a voice said dryly.

Matsumoto looked up to see a small white-haired boy enter the office and close the door behind him. "Hey, I know you!" she exclaimed. "You're that kid from Rukongai, the one who kept leaking reiatsu all over the place!"

"I'm not a kid," he said calmly as he sat behind the captain's desk. "To you, I'm Hitsugaya-taichou."

"Hey, that's not funny," she said, frowning. Her frown only deepened as she noticed he was wearing the white haori of a captain. "You're going to get in trouble if you go around telling people you're a full shinigami, and even more if you pretend to be a captain too."

"In future, I expect you to show me more respect," he said, completely ignoring her words. "Now, there is a stack of paperwork here for you to do…"

"Buzz off, kid," Matsumoto said, crossing her arms. "I'm waiting for the real captain, not some snot-nosed brat still in the Academy."

The temperature in the room suddenly dropped, and Matsumoto fought the urge to rub the goose-pimples that sprung up on her arms. "A snot-nosed brat?" Hitsugaya asked, his voice dangerously quiet.

"S-see, this just proves that you have no control yet," Matsumoto answered, her teeth chattering. "You should just go to the Academy and…"

"Matsumoto, come with me," Hitsugaya said abruptly. Without waiting for an answer, he got to his feet and headed for the door.

With nothing better to do, Matsumoto followed him, grumbling.

x

"This is the tenth squad training area," Hitsugaya said, gesturing to the large dojo beyond where he stood.

"We're going on a tour?" she asked sceptically. "The divisions are all fairly similar; I can find my own way around."

"But we're not here for a tour," the boy replied, and stepped forward into the dojo. "Everyone, get out. The new fukutaichou needs proof that I am the captain." All of the shinigami in the room bowed to him and fled, and Matsumoto noticed several of them were either grinning or wincing.

"Prepare yourself, Matsumoto," he said, drawing his zanpakutou.

"You… want to fight?" she asked incredulously. "Are you crazy? No matter how good your grades are at the Academy, you'd never beat me. I'm a fukutaichou!"

"Show me."

x

"All right, I believe you're a captain," Matsumoto said. "And I'm sorry for calling you a snot-nosed brat, and for thinking that you were still at the Academy."

"That's better," Hitsugaya said, a smirk of satisfaction on his face.

"Now will you let me out of here?" she demanded.

The smirk never fading, Hitsugaya waved a hand, and the prison of ice that had nearly completely encased Matsumoto shattered, spilling her unceremoniously onto the floor of the dojo. She picked herself up and brushed down her uniform, pointedly ignoring the boy who had defeated her so easily.

"I expect you at the office at nine o'clock tomorrow morning," he said crisply. "Do not be late." And with that, he was gone.

Looking after him, Matsumoto smiled. "This could be interesting after all…"

* * *

A little less ridiculous than usual, but still amusing? 


	8. Matsumoto's Bankai

Today's chapter is more in the style of the true Shinigami's Cup than other chapters have been, and was contributed by my little brother. Thanks Dale!

Title: Matsumoto's Bankai

Featuring: Matsumoto, Hitsugaya

* * *

"Taichou! I finally did it! I achieved Bankai! And I couldn't let anyone see it before my taichou did!"

"Oh… well done, Matsumoto. I didn't think you'd ever be able to do it…" Hitsugaya muttered under his breath. "But you had better not destroy my office… AGAIN!"

"Bankai!" she cried gleefully.

Great swirls of ash began to fill the room, causing Hitsugaya to fill with apprehension, and formed the shape of a massive cat whose eyes glowed red. A low roar filled the air until the dust suddenly vanished without a trace.

Bemused, Hitsugaya looked around until a soft mew by his foot made him look down to see a tiny kitten made of ash.

"This… is your Bankai?" he asked sceptically.

"Oh, it has another form too!" she said brightly.

Outside the tenth division office, passers-by watched curiously as there was a loud boom and clouds of ash began leaking through the doorways.

"MATSUMOTO!"

* * *

There have been a lot of tenth squad ones recently, so next week I'll post one on someone else. See if you can guess who!


	9. Ready Set Go!

Another Saturday, another Shinigami's Cup! This week's episode just goes to show that even bad guys have weird moments...

Title: Ready Set Go!

Featuring: Aizen, Gin

Time: Sometime after Aizen left Soul Society

* * *

"Aizen-sama," the Arrancar in the doorway said, bowing respectfully. "It is about to begin."

"Excellent," the ex-captain said with a smile. "Tell Gin I will be there shortly."

The Arrancar bowed again and left, leaving Aizen alone to prepare.

x

"Glad ta see ya could make it!" Gin said cheerfully, beckoning Aizen over. "And with such style!"

"Will Kaname be joining us?" Aizen asked, sitting next to him.

"He said to go ahead without him," Gin said dismissively. "We're just about to start now."

At the other end of the table, two of the Espada waited, their hands cupped awkwardly as if holding something. "Are ya ready?" Gin called.

They nodded, and placed their hands on the table, still cupped slightly. "Ready, set, go!"

As two Hollow-masked lizards burst forth from their captors' hands and scurried up the table, Aizen found himself cheering on the one marked 'five' and secretly admitting that the 'Lizards Rule!' t-shirt he was wearing looked pretty cool…

* * *

Still taking requests, even if it takes me a while to write them. Hope you enjoyed! 


	10. You Gave Him What!

Yet again, Saturday has caught me unaware, so I'm not entirely happy with this week's episode. It was inspired by a comment darkangel1910 left through a review, so I hope it is enjoyed anyway.

Title: You Gave Him What?!

Featuring: Kyouraku, Ukitake, Nanao, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya

Time: Some time after 'Who Gave Him That?'

* * *

"Have you ever wondered what the kid would be like if he had coffee?" Kyouraku whispered.

Ukitake blinked in surprise. "You called me away from a training session with Sensei to ask me that?" he asked incredulously.

"Think about it," Kyouraku urged. "He's always so stiff. Don't you think he'd be much better off if he loosened up every now and then?"

"Perhaps caffeine would be a better thing to try," Ukitake said thoughtfully. "I've tried giving him sugary things to sweeten him a little, but it doesn't appear to be working."

"Let's try it now!" Kyouraku said, grinning mischievously with a glint in his eye.

x

"You held Hitsugaya-taichou down and force-fed him coffee," Nanao repeated calmly, pushing her glasses further up her nose. "Is it worth asking why you would do something so foolish, Taichou?"

"Ah, Nanao-chan, you're so cruel," Kyouraku whined. "You always assume it's my fault."

"That's because she's usually right," Ukitake muttered, feeling guilty at the trouble they'd caused. Behind the three of them, Matsumoto was trying to convince her captain to take the sheet off his head and stop making 'woo-ing' noises as he ran along the rooftops.

"But why?" Ukitake heard Hitsugaya ask petulantly as Matsumoto made a grab for the sheet. "This place is filled with dead people, right? So I should be a ghost too!"

"Hitsugaya-kun looks like he's having a lot of fun, don't you think?" Kyouraku said happily, a grin spreading across his face. "Maybe we should join in…"

"I'm going to go help Matsumoto-san," Ukitake said hastily, suppressing a shiver at the look in Nanao's eye. It was horribly familiar from other times he and Kyouraku had been caught doing foolish things, and he knew exactly what it meant. Sure enough, as he shunpoed away, he heard the thud of Nanao's book crashing down on her captain's head again and again and his pleas for her to stop.

"I think, in future, I'm just going to stick with the sweets," Ukitake sighed.

* * *

I have a week off uni this week, so I'm hoping to prepare a few more episodes for the coming weeks. Unfortunately, the computer I use to watch Bleach is playing silly buggers, and I can't check facts. Can anyone tell me what the name of that patch was that Kon used to remove his pill (Episode 119)?

P.S. My apologies to Xx Trinity xX. I told you that Shinigami's Cup started in episode 14, but I got it mixed up with the Illustrated Guide. The first Shinigami's cup was at the end of episode 55.


	11. Plushies and TeaParties

Greetings! Today's episode comes to you at the request of ADDVengance, who wanted to see Kon running about loose in Soul Society. Hope you enjoy!

Title: Plushies and Tea-Parties

Featuring: Kon, Yachiru, Yumichika

Time: Just after the Bount arc

* * *

Kon peered around the corner, and heaved a sigh of relief when he realised there was no one there. "I'm not going back to live in that smelly cupboard if Nee-san isn't coming," he said huffily, crossing his arms and sulking. "Oh, Nee-san!"

"Who's your nee-san, Fuzzhead?" a curious voice asked.

Kon leapt away from the wall and into a fighting pose, which he relaxed when he saw that the person who had spoken was a little girl. She _was_ dressed in shinigami's robes, but the sword she carried dragged behind her, and she didn't look even as threatening as Yuzu. Nobody could be taken seriously with pink hair, anyway.

"You're weird!" Pinky proclaimed, and giggled. "Let's play!"

"It's another crazy girl!" Kon screeched, and turned to run, only to trip and fall at the feet of an adult shinigami.

"Fukutaichou, I've been looking everywhere for you," he said, looking down at Pinky.

She giggled again, and pointed to Kon. "I've found a new friend to play with!" she said brightly. "His name is Fuzzhead!"

"What is it with naming me weird things?" Kon muttered into the ground, but the shinigami didn't notice.

"It's so beautiful that you found something like this to play with!' he said, bending down and picking Kon up. Kon stayed absolutely still. Maybe he'd go away and leave him alone…

"I have a wonderful game you can play with it," he said, and Pinky jumped on his words.

"New game!" she cheered, and took off down the street. "Race you back, Girly!"

The man holding Kon sighed and ran after her. _Girly, huh?_ Kon thought. _That's some nickname_…

x

To Kon's surprise, Pinky was waiting for them when they arrived at a division's headquarters. "Beat you!" she said triumphantly, poking her tongue out at Girly. "Now you have to tell me about this game!"

'We need to be inside to play," Girly said. "Come with me and I'll show you."

And that was how, five minutes later, Kon found himself dressed in a ridiculous frilly costume sitting at a low table while Girly poured cups of tea and Pinky sulked. "This isn't fun!" she said with a pout.

"Just try it. You look so beautiful in that dress," Girly told her while Kon smothered a giggle. Pinky had been forced into wearing a blue monstrosity that was even frillier than his own, and she definitely didn't look happy about it.

"Ayasegawa-san!" a shinigami called, bursting into the room. He threw a puzzled glance at Pinky, but quickly averted his eyes when she glared at him. "There is some paperwork that urgently requires your attention!"

"Is Ikkaku 'busy' again?" Girly asked with a sigh, getting up. "Very well, I'm coming. I'll be back soon, fukutaichou. You and Fuzzhead have fun while I'm gone."

As soon as the door slid shut behind him, Pinky ripped the dress off and stamped on it. "Girly has no idea how to have fun. Why don't we find something more fun to do?"

"Yosh!" Kon said, jumping to his feet and wriggling out of his dress. "I know a great way to have fun!"

"Really, Fuzzhead?" she asked. "Because if it's like Girly's fun, then I'm going to make you hurt."

"Really fun!" Kon protested, hiding the fear her casual tone caused. "To play, all you have to do is look at this 'Removal Princess' patch…"

* * *

Part 2 of this story will be posted next Saturday. I'm sorry for the delay, but these are supposed to be short one-shots and when it keeps going, I'm forced to break it in two.

On a different note, I'd like to put in some self-advertising here. I have finally finished my story 'The Ladies' Men Club', where Nanashi from MAR gathers together perverts to teach them about women, but I think it has been somewhat overlooked because I posted it in Anime Crossovers. Even if you've never heard of MAR, check it out, because it has nothing to do with any storylines and there's virtual chocolate available for those who can identify all of the characters used.

Thank you for your time.


	12. Pinky For A Day

Here we go with Part 2 of ADDVengance's request, which turned into a two-parter when I wasn't looking.

Title: Pinky For A Day

Featuring: Kon, Nanao, Kenpachi, Yachiru

Time: About five minutes after last week's chapter

* * *

"Yosh!' Kon cheered as he skipped along between buildings. "The great Kon-sama is free!"

He came to a halt and twirled, his zanpakutou bumping into his side. "And this is the perfect form for attracting the ladies," he added gleefully, looking down at his new diminutive frame. "They'll come running to hug this cute little body, and I can nestle in the Heavenly Valley! But where do I start?"

Unbidden, an image of the tenth squad lieutenant arose in his mind and, at the thought of the way she always threatened to spill out of her uniform, drool began running out of his mouth. "Definitely there," he said dreamily.

"Kusajishi-fukutaichou!' called a voice, and Kon nearly jumped out of his body in fright. He turned around, scrubbing at the drool, and saw a woman carrying a large book under one arm and pushing her glasses up her nose with her other hand.

"There you are," she called, coming up to him. "It's time for the Shinigami Women's Association meeting."

"Meeting?" Kon asked, puzzled.

"Matsumoto-fukutaichou is finally free to attend, and she said she wanted to discuss something with us," Book Lady said, a faint look of disapproval flitting across her face.

She started talking about something else, but by this time, Kon's mind had drifted back to the image he had of Matsumoto. Except that this time, she was in the process of taking her uniform off…

"Let's go!" Kon shouted, interrupting Book Lady. She sniffed, then began walking, Kon close behind.

x

"You had better call the meeting to order," Book Lady whispered as they entered the room.

"Um, order, right…" Kon muttered. Spying a large wooden hammer, he picked it up and thumped it on the table. After a few moments, the noise level fell and all the women turned to look at him.

"Hello, fellow women!' he said cheerfully. "What's up? K… Pinky-sama is here, so listen up! First thing today, we're going to have a group hug!"

Ignoring the strange looks he was getting, he jumped on top of the table and ran along it, his eyes fixed on Matsumoto's chest and his arms outstretched. Closer, closer…

Without any warning, he crashed into something black and fell backwards, swearing under his breath. He glared at the black thing, then his eyes slowly travelled upwards. When he saw the ragged hem of the captain's haori, he gulped, but his mouth went dry as he passed the bandaged chest and came to rest on the single eye boring into him from under a mane of spiky hair.

"Yo," Spikes said, grinning maliciously.

Kon trembled, and let out a yelp as Pinky popped up over his shoulder. "Fuzzhead!" she yelled happily. "I want my body back!"

"B-b-but we haven't finished the game yet," Kon protested, waving his hands wildly. He could see his chances of snuggling with his goddess getting slimmer by the second.

"What she wants, she gets," Spikes said calmly, and drew his zanpakutou. "Understand?"

"OK, OK, I'm out!" Kon yelled, and launched himself out of his stolen body with his patch. Pinky picked up the pill and stuffed it back into his still-dressed up plushie body with a grin.

"Now we can try my kind of fun," Spikes said with an evil glint in his eye, bringing his zanpakutou swinging down while Pinky laughed.

"Now this is fun!" she exclaimed.

"NO!"

* * *

(With the last scream, just imagine the little Kon-ghost thing rising above the scene...)

By the way, I'm still looking for requests. I've got a few more ideas, but prompts are really good for getting the creative juices flowing. Thanks!


	13. Honey For The Bee

Saturday equals Shinigami's Cup. Please enjoy!

Title: Honey For The Bee

Featuring: Kyouraku, Nanao

Timing: Whenever

* * *

Kyouraku grinned to himself as he poured a thick stream of viscous honey into a papier-mache beehive he had spent several days making. This was going to be the best trick ever!

"Again, Taichou?" a voice asked, and he jumped in guilty surprise. Looking up, he saw his lieutenant framed in the doorway, pushing her glasses up her nose and frowning at him disapprovingly.

"Ah, Nanao-chan, you scared me," he sighed in relief.

"What are you up to this time?" she asked in weary resignation. "Or do I not want to know?"

"You're always so cruel, Nanao-chan," he wailed dramatically. "Why do you think I am 'up to' something?"

"Experience," she said dryly. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Our delightful Second Division Captain seems a little overworked recently, so I'm going to help her relax. After all, every little bee should have a little honey," he explained, struggling not to laugh.

"She won't thank you for it," Nanao warned.

"We'll see," Kyouraku answered, turning back to the beehive. "We'll see."

x

"So, how did it go?" Nanao asked, not looking up from her paperwork.

"Fairly well," came her captain's voice. Nanao thought it sounded peculiarly muffled, but the form in front of her was taking too much of her attention for her to have a look.

"I balanced the hive on her door and hid, and when she came in, it fell on her and got honey in her hair." Nanao winced. "I burst out laughing. And that's when it went a little bit wrong."

Nanao finally looked up, and her mouth dropped open. Kyouraku was wearing the remains of the hive over his head with his straw hat perched on top, and was covered from the neck down in the black butterfly trademark of Suzumebachi.

"A little wrong?" she managed to choke out.

"She wasn't impressed at all," Kyouraku said thoughtfully. "I wonder why?"

* * *

Still taking requests, no matter how long it takes me to write them. Thank you!


	14. On A Rainy Day

Yo! Thanks for all the requests that have been sent in. I hope to get working on them really soon. Until then, I offer this humble substitute.

Title: On A Rainy Day

Featuring: Kira, Hisagi, Komamura

Timing: After Aizen left (I think)

* * *

Kira curled up tighter in his blankets and sniffed as he listened to the rain drum against the roof. "Why did I have to come down with this cold?" he grumbled. "It wasn't even my patrol to the real world, it was Hisagi-san's…"

A flash of lightning illuminated the door as it slid open and someone entered his quarters. "Speak his name and he appears," Kira said sarcastically, coming out of his bedroom with his blankets wrapped tightly around him. "Can I help you, Hisagi-san?"

"I… just came by to see how you were feeling," Hisagi said uncomfortably, shifting his feet. "I heard that you were ill."

"Well, I am, no thanks to you," Kira sniffed. "Now go away. You wouldn't want to catch my cold."

"Can I at least wait until the rain stops?" Hisagi asked hesitantly. "If I try and get back to my division now, I'll get soaked."

"So that's why you dropped in," Kira sighed. "I suppose so. Could you at least make some tea?"

"Of course," he said gratefully, and hurried through to the kitchen.

Kira went into a coughing fit, and nearly missed the knock at the door. "C-come in," he gasped.

The door slid aside to reveal the tall form of Komamura. "Ah, Kira-fukutaichou," he boomed. "How are you?" Without waiting for an answer, he strode into the room.

"This is a very nice apartment," he added.

Kira shot a bemused glance around the room. Crumpled tissues, discarded clothing and old dishes littered the floor, and it smelled like something had died. A week ago. "Um… thank you," he said uncertainly.

Lightning forked through the sky again, and Kira shut his eyes against the unwelcome brightness. "Urgh," he groaned.

"Here's the tea," Hisagi said, coming back in. "I added another cup because I thought I heard Komamura-taichou come in. Where is he?"

Kira turned, and found to his surprise that Komamura had vanished. "He was here a second ago," Kira replied, puzzled. "Where did he go?"

A muffled whimpering from behind his couch drew his attention, and he moved forward to see what was behind it. His mouth dropped open when he realised it was Komamura, crouching and holding his hands over his ears.

"Komamura-taichou?" he asked in astonishment.

"Oh, that's right," Hisagi said, coming up and looking over his shoulder. "Komamura-taichou is terrified of storms."

* * *

Did I keep them in character enough? I've never written for Hisagi and Komamura before, and only once for Kira. Hope you enjoyed it anyway!


	15. Friends For Dinner

Yay for ANZAC Day! I get a long weekend, and a bit of extra time to work on stories. Hopefully, you'll reap the benefits soon.

Title: Friends For Dinner

Featuring: Soi Fon, Yoruichi, Byakuya

Time: After Soi Fon and Yoruichi reunited

* * *

"What do you mean the cook is sick?" Soi Fon screamed at the unfortunate underling who had brought her the bad news. "Yoruichi-sama is coming for dinner tonight!"

"S-s-sorry, Taichou!" he stammered, prostrating himself before her.

"Get out my sight," she said icily, and the boy fled, glad to still be in one piece.

"What am I going to do?" she asked herself, frowning. "I can't cook!"

_Wait a minute_, said a treacherous little voice in her head. _It's the middle of summer. We can get away with a salad. All we need is some green stuff and a few tomatoes…_

x

Ten minutes later, Soi Fon had done a quick trip round the garden with a bowl, and was setting the table when Yoruichi arrived. "Something smells good!" she said in greeting.

"I hope you like it, Yoruichi-sama," Soi Fon, her cheeks colouring a little at the compliment.

Yoruichi frowned. "How many times do I have to tell you that '-san' will do?" she scolded. Ignoring Soi Fon's stammered apology, she dropped to the floor and spread herself out next to the table, putting her elbow on the cushion and propping her head up.

"Are you going to join me, or just stare?" she asked dryly.

Soi Fon stopped herself jumping in surprise, and moved to the other side of the table as Yoruichi reached into her bowl and picked out a leaf. "This is what smells so good!" she exclaimed, sniffing it. She licked it, then began nibbling around the edges. "Delicious!" she purred happily.

x

Byakuya sat behind his desk, his brush moving in silence as he filled out a stack of forms. The flame of the candle beside him flickered, but he paid it no mind. Even the sound of approaching footsteps didn't make him look up.

"Yoruichi-san! No! Come back! Don't go that way!" he heard Soi Fon call, an edge of desperation in her pleading voice.

Yoruichi waltzed into his office, wearing a wide smile and nothing else. She dropped onto the rug in front of his desk and began playing with an invisible ball of string, then got up, stretched and loped through deeper into the sixth division's offices.

"Please come back, Yoruichi-san!" Soi Fon called desperately, following her through. "I didn't mean to feed you catnip!"

Byakuya moved his completed form to the stack beside him, and took no notice of the blood trickling from his nose.

* * *

I went through the list of prompts I've been sent, and my mind has begun fizzing in strange and unpredictable ways. I promise I will work desperately to start writing for and posting them!


	16. Yamamoto's Surprise

Sorry that this chapter is a little late; Saturday snuck up on me again!

Title: Yamamoto's Surprise

Featuring: Renji, Byakuya, Matsumoto, Yachiru, Kenpachi, Sasakibe (first squad lieutenant), Yamamoto, Kyouraku, Kira, Unohana, Hisagi, Isane, Mayuri... bit of an ensemble piece, with no one except Yamamoto particularly featured.

Timing: After the Soul Society arc

* * *

"To all taichou and fukutaichou of Soul Society," Renji repeated, listening intently to the hell butterfly perched on his finger. "Your presence is required immediately. Report to the meeting hall. Yamamoto-soutaichou."

"Then we have no time to waste," Byakuya replied calmly, and headed for the door. "Come."

x

As they approached the doors of the captains' meeting hall, they were hailed by Matsumoto. "Kuchiki-taichou! Renji!" she called, waving. "What's going on?"

"There's some kind of emergency," Renji said. "The message didn't say anything else."

"I was hoping you'd know what was going on," she said with a pout.

"Maybe Ichi's back!" a little voice said, and suddenly Yachiru was amongst them, beaming madly.

"Hope so," Kenpachi said with a smile as he came up to them. "I wanted a good fight today."

"I don't think Ichigo's an emergency these days," Renji said, mentally shuddering. It was creepy to see the eleventh squad captain smile.

Without warning, the door opened, and Sasakibe-fukutaichou stepped out. "Yamamoto-soutaichou is ready for you," he said. "Please enter."

No one was ready for what awaited them inside.

x

The captains and vice-captains looked at each other, some with open unease.

"I have been working hard for many days now," Yamamoto announced, "so I hope you enjoy the fruits of my labours. Now, let us eat!"

Everyone looked doubtfully at the meal set before them. "Yama-jii cooks?" Kyouraku asked quietly, tentatively prodding at the contents of his bowl.

"He went to the real world for a cooking course," Sasakibe explained hurriedly.

"Then I guess we'd better try it," Kira said bravely. "Itadakimasu!"

Following his example, everyone murmured an itadakimasu and brought their chopsticks to their lips.

"This is wonderful, Yamamoto-soutaichou!" Matsumoto exclaimed. "What beautiful flavours!"

Elsewhere down the table, Unohana had fainted, Renji was being noisily sick, Hisagi's face was distinctly green and Isane was performing the Heimlich manoeuvre on a choking Mayuri. Everyone else had already run for the toilets.

"Hmm," Yamamoto said thoughtfully, looking down the room. "Perhaps Orihime-sensei was wrong about some of those combinations…"

* * *

It would be wrong if he was completely all-powerful and knowing, wouldn't it?

Oh, and a quick note to everyone who has ever left me a review. This story is now my most reviewed, and I just wanted to let you know that it is very much appreciated! Virtual chocolate for everyone!


	17. Not A Party Animal

This week's episode comes to you at the request of QueenofBookworms, who asked for Hinamori, Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, a party and a cupboard. Enjoy!

Title: Not A Party Animal

Featuring: Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Hinamori, Kira, Rukia, Renji

Timing: Unimportant

* * *

"Come on, taichou, it'll be fun!' Matsumoto said with a pout, leaning over his desk.

"For the last time, no!" Hitsugaya finally shouted, throwing down his brush. Unfortunately, this left a large ink spot in the middle of his paperwork, making him even angrier. "I am not going!"

x

"I really should have seen this coming," he said half an hour later.

"What are you talking about, Shiro-chan?" Hinamori asked in confusion. "How could you have known we were going to get locked in a cupboard?"

"It's not Shiro-chan, it's Hitsugaya-taichou!" he said, irritated.

"You still didn't answer my question," she said patiently.

He let out an exasperated sigh. "When Matsumoto says 'it'll be fun!' I always end up with a headache."

"This time, your headache might be from crashing into the door for so long trying to get us out," Hinamori pointed out.

"And getting nowhere," he sighed. He put his back against the door and slid down it until he was sitting. "I hate parties," he muttered.

x

"Rangiku-san?" Kira asked, keeping well back from her wildly flailing arms.

"Don't be shy, Kira," Matsumoto giggled. "Dance with me!"

To Kira's dismay, he was seized and dragged into the empty space around Matsumoto and pulled this way and that like a puppet, helpless to control his movements.

"Do you think we should rescue him?" Rukia asked quietly from the sidelines, where several shinigami had gathered to watch in horrified fascination.

"Let her have some fun for a while," Renji answered.

"You're only saying that so she doesn't latch onto you again," Rukia muttered, sweat-dropping.

Eventually Kira broke away. "Rangiku-san!" he called desperately. "I just wanted to ask if you knew where Hinamori-kun went."

"When Taichou and I arrived, she came up to him and asked him… something," Matsumoto said, frowning. "Now what was it… ah! She went to get the Twister board!"

"Why did she need Hitsugaya-taichou's help for that?" Kira asked.

"Well, Renji's place is a bit messy, so she needed help looking for it," Matsumoto explained. "Maybe she got lost trying to find her way out…"

"We'd better find them," Kira said, shooting a bemused glance at Renji, who just shrugged.

x

"We're never going to get out of here, are we?" Hinamori asked, her entire body drooping.

"Don't be an idiot," Hitsugaya said severely, still studying the door. "We just need to break down the door…"

"But there's no room to release our zanpakutou, and I… I'm scared, Shiro-chan!" she suddenly cried, and began to cry.

"H-Hinamori?" Hitsugaya stammered, shocked. "What's wrong?"

She just cried harder, so Hitsugaya took a step forward and awkwardly put his arms around her. "You'd better not mention this to anyone," he muttered in annoyance. "Bedwetter Momo."

x

"We've looked everywhere," Matsumoto groaned. "Where are they?"

"Ah!" Renji suddenly exclaimed. "I think I know!"

He headed towards the back of his quarters, and came to a stop outside a small door. "They might be in here!" he announced.

"Isn't that your cupboard?" Rukia asked, confused. "Why would they be in there?"

"Well, the door often gets stuck when it's cold. It can be really hard to open," he admitted.

"And we've looked everywhere else," Kira pointed out.

Using both hands, Renji lifted the door a little and pulled it open. "Taichou!" Matsumoto called, striding in. "Are you in here?"

She came to a sudden stop, and grinned. Her hand dived into her sleeve and came out holding a camera, which she quickly used to take a few snapshots.

x

Hitsugaya blinked groggily as a bright light flashed, and opened his eyes to find Matsumoto standing over him with a camera, a wide grin on her face.

"Matsumoto?" he asked fuzzily.

"Good morning, Taichou!" she said, still grinning. "Did you have fun?"

"What?"

Suddenly, he realised that Hinamori was snuggled up against him asleep and he still had his arm around her, which he snatched off as though he had been burned. His wide eyes darted to the camera, and Matsumoto's grin became even wider.

"MATSUMOTO!"

* * *

Blackmail time! The door thing actually happens with my front door, and you can tell who comes to our place often if they know how to open it.


	18. Secret of the Braid

I started writing a rant about all the work I have to do this week, then realised no one actually cares. Least of all me! Enjoy!

Title: Secret of the Braid

Featuring: Unohana, Isane, Iemura (4th squad 3rd seat), Hanatarou

Timing: After Soul Society arc

* * *

"There's some more paperwork to fill out, Taichou," Isane said apologetically, approaching Unohana's desk with a stack of forms. "We've been so busy with patients lately that it's really piled up."

Unohana pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, then summoned up a smile for her lieutenant. "Thank you, Isane-kun. I'll deal with it in a moment."

"Hai, Taichou," Isane said respectfully, and with a bow, she left.

When she was sure Isane had gone, Unohana leant back in her chair and sighed. _It's definitely time, _she thought almost hungrily.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at her door. "Come in," she called, pushing down her frustration.

"We have another shipment of patients in from eleventh squad, Unohana-taichou," said Iemura, not even waiting to fully enter the room before starting his report. "Ever since that stupid-looking ryoka boy left, Zaraki-taichou has been even tougher on his new recruits than before. He tests them himself nowadays, instead of turning them over to that bald maniac and the one who looks like a girl."

"I'll be there in five minutes, Iemura-kun," Unohana said tiredly.

"Hai, Taichou," he said, bowing. "Of course, leave it for me to handle," he muttered under his breath as he left.

_Yes_, thought Unohana dreamily as her hand moved for her braid. _Finally…_

There was another knock at the door, and Unohana nearly swore aloud. She had been so close…

"Ano, Taichou…" Hanatarou said timidly, poking his head in the door.

x

"Kotetsu-fukutaichou! Kotetsu-fukutaichou!" Iemura yelled, running through the corridors of fourth division.

"What's wrong, Iemura-san?" Isane asked, peeling off her surgical gloves.

"7th seat Yamada went to see Unohana-taichou, and while he was in there, there was a whole lot of noise, and when I went in there to check, I found Yamada on the floor, bleeding!" Iemura cried. "And Unohana-taichou has disappeared!"

"What?" Isane asked, shocked.

She took off, Iemura at her heels, and they soon came to Unohana's office. Isane hurried to Hanatarou and knelt beside him. "Yamada-kun!" she said, gently shaking him. "What happened?"

"Un-Unohana… taichou…" he gasped, shaking. "She… she…"

"It's all right, we'll find her," Isane assured him, checking his injuries. "Iemura-san, sound the alarm. I want everyone in the division searching!"

x

From her perch on the rooftop, Unohana watched as mass panic spread below her. Shinigami ran in all directions, ignoring Iemura's attempts at to restore order and organise the search.

"What a fuss," she sighed quietly. Reaching into her braid, she pulled out a packet and lit up a fresh cigarette. "I feel bad for Yamada-kun, but… All I wanted was a quiet smoke."

* * *

I hope I got all the forms of address right. I can't check at the moment because my anime-watching computer is sulking and refuses to turn on. I hope it doesn't eat all my Shippuuden...


	19. Cool As

Yo! Today's episode of Shinigami's Cup comes to you at the request of Artificial Life Creator, with a twist. She asked for Hitsugaya in Canada in February, which I found very difficult as I live in Australia and February is the hottest time of year for us. Instead, I have modified her request to 'Hitsugaya in cold weather'. I hope it still satisfies!

Title: Cool As

Featuring: Matsumoto, Ichigo, Rukia, Kon, Karin, Hitsugaya

Timing: Not really important. Sometime during the Arrancar arc, I think...

* * *

"It's freezing in here!" Matsumoto said, her teeth chattering.

"My dad crashed into the heater this morning," Ichigo said with a shrug. "Until he gives up trying to fix it himself and calls in a professional, we're stuck with the cold."

"Here," Rukia said, holding out a blanket. Matsumoto took it gratefully and wrapped it around herself.

"Why did you want us to come anyway?" she asked, huddling deeper in.

"What are you talking about?" Ichigo asked. "It was a surprise to me when you showed up on my doorstep."

"Did you call us, Rukia?" Matsumoto asked.

"It wasn't me," she said, frowning thoughtfully.

"Kon…" Ichigo said threateningly, turning on the stuffed animal. "Did you put in a prank call to Soul Society?"

"How dare you accuse the great Kon-sama of something so terrible!" Kon yelled. "I was ecstatic when the Goddess of the Heavenly Valley reappeared before me, but I did not summon her!"

Kon took a flying leap off Ichigo's bed and sailed across the room, his eyes fixed on the narrow view of his target where Matsumoto's blanket had slipped. "Of course, that will not stop me giving her a proper welcome…" he said dreamily.

Almost lazily, Matsumoto's hand came up and slapped him to the ground. "If we weren't called, then why was Taichou in such a hurry to come?" she said thoughtfully, ignoring the twitching toy at her feet.

"Where did Toushiro go, anyway?" Ichigo asked, looking around.

"He said there was something he needed to do… Ooh! Maybe that's why we came to the real world!" Matsumoto said, happy the mystery had been resolved. "Perhaps we came to your house so he could pick your sister up for a date!"

Ichigo choked on his coffee, and Rukia gaped. "Hitsugaya-taichou on a date?" she exclaimed.

"With Yuzu?" Ichigo spluttered.

"No!" Matsumoto said, laughing. "Don't you know your sister's name, Ichigo? It's…"

"You don't mean…" Rukia said slowly.

"It can't be…" Ichigo gasped.

"Karin!" they said together.

x

Down at the soccer field, Karin missed her shot on goal as she sneezed.

"You sick, Kurosaki?" the goalkeeper asked.

"No," she replied. "Someone must be talking about me."

x

"We have to find them!" Ichigo said, a determined glint in his eye.

"Why?" Rukia asked. "It's none of our business."

"She's my sister, damn it!' he yelled. "Of course it's my business!"

"You're going to end up like your father, you know," Rukia muttered.

"_What_ was that?" Ichigo demanded.

"You heard me, you moron!' she yelled, glaring at him.

"Why you…" he growled, but was interrupted by Matsumoto.

"Oh, there he is!" she said. "Taichou!' she called, waving out the window.

Ichigo and Rukia exchanged glances, and moved to the window to have a look, only to stop as their mouths dropped open.

Hitsugaya looked up at them and raised his glass. "Hey," he said calmly. He leaned back and let his fingers trail through the water. "You know, this is the only time I can get this place to myself. Why is that?"

"Most people aren't mad enough to use it in the middle of winter," Ichigo said in a daze. Hitsugaya going swimming in the neighbour's backyard pool was bad enough, but relaxing in an inflatable ring wearing boardshorts and sunglasses and sipping an iced drink? As snow piled up around the sides of the pool?

"At least he's not on a date with Karin," Rukia said.

* * *

I figured Hitsugaya wouldn't really be bothered by cold weather. And see, I do involve Ichigo sometimes!


	20. Kido Lessons

Hi everyone! The inspiration for today's episode came from my little brother Dale, but I feel I haven't really done it justice. On a more positive note, my winter holidays started yesterday, so I'll have more time to write!

Title: Kido Lessons

Featuring: Ichigo, Renji, Urahara

* * *

"So, you make up some lame poem and hope for the best?" Ichigo asked sceptically.

"No!" Renji roared. He sighed in exasperation. "Can't you ever get anything right? Kido uses a chant to focus your spiritual energy before you release it."

"If it's so easy, how come you never use it?" Ichigo asked with a smug smirk.

"Shut up!" Renji yelled. "Why do you even want to learn it?"

Ichigo's smirk immediately became a frown. "The midget was having a go at me about it," he muttered angrily.

"Anyway, we'll start with something a little harder than usual so we don't blow up Urahara-san's basement," Renji said, gulping a little. He knew what Rukia could be like if she had the upper hand. "With your control, even something as simple as Byakurei could be trouble."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ichigo growled. "My control's fine!"

"Instead, we'll try Shakahou," Renji continued, ignoring Ichigo's outburst. "The incantation is this: Ye lord, mask of blood and flesh, all creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man, inferno and pandemonium, the sea barrier surges, march on to the south. Then you say the number and name of the spell, which is Way of Destruction 31, Shakahou. Got it?"

Ichigo stared at him for a second. "How the hell am I supposed to remember all that?" he finally exclaimed. "After just hearing it once, you expect me to know it?"

"Don't you ever listen when Rukia uses this?" Renji asked.

"I'm usually too busy trying not to be cut in half!" Ichigo retorted. "While she's off writing bad poetry, I'm protecting her from having her head ripped off!"

"Just try it!" Renji ordered.

x

Ten minutes later, all Ichigo had managed was to burn his fingers twice. He found it hard enough to memorise the incantation, but gathering his reiatsu to his hand and holding it there at the same time was proving nearly impossible.

"Maybe you should just try it without the spell," Renji finally suggested. "It won't be as powerful, but it might give you a chance at it."

"If you and the midget can manage this, then I can too!" Ichigo flared up.

He closed his eyes, and beads of sweat began to roll down his forehead as he started to gather his reiatsu. "Right, let's go! Hey lord, hiding behind your skin and blood, the world flapping around, you who calls yourself a man, complete chaos, waves of the crashing sea marching north. Way of Destruction 30-something, Shakahou!"

x

At the sound of a massive explosion, Urahara came down the stairs and began giggling. "My, you two certainly are a mess!" he said cheerfully, looking at the two blackened shinigami. "It seems Kurosaki-san is even worse than Abarai-san at kido!"

After he had gone, still giggling, Ichigo looked over at Renji. "If you tell Rukia about this, I'm going to shave off what's left of your hair and glue it to your face. Got it?"

"Whatever you say," Renji said, a smirk appearing on his face and growing wider by the second before he gave up and burst out laughing. "Baldy!"

* * *

For those of you who don't watch the Japanese version, Shakahou is... Red Flame Cannon is the translation, I think. Anyway, it's the big red fireball thingy. Thanks for reading!


	21. Concerts and Catastrophes

Yo! Thanks to everyone reading this; I've had more than twelve thousand hits!

Title: Concerts and Catastrophes

Featuring: Nemu, Mayuri, Rukia, Ichigo

* * *

Nemu slipped the thick sheaf of papers into a folder and permitted herself a small sigh. She got up from her seat and headed for the door. At this time of day, Mayuri-sama would be in his laboratory. She had been working for three days straight to have these reports done, and now as soon as she handed them in she was looking forward to going to bed.

She walked through the hallways of twelfth division until she came to the laboratory. She knocked and entered, then stood quietly until Mayuri noticed her waiting.

"What is it?" he snapped. "Can't you see that I am busy, you incompetent fool?"

"The Hollow dissection reports are completed, Mayuri-sama," she said, desperately trying to hide a yawn.

"Then leave them over there and get out!" he ordered, waving at a nearby desk.

"Hai, Mayuri-sama," Nemu said respectfully, and with a bow, did as she was told. Outside the door, she allowed the yawn that had nearly cracked her jaw holding it in to come, and took off down the hall a little slower than a run.

Mayuri waited until her footsteps had receded, then glanced at the folder. "Like I have time for that today," he muttered. "My current research is far more important."

He got up from his desk and walked to the door. Peeking out, he made sure no one was around before he shunpoed through the division and out.

x

"What's a concert?" Rukia asked.

Ichigo looked over at her, one eyebrow raised. "You're kidding, right?" he asked. "Are you trying to tell me that shinigami don't have concerts?"

"Of course we do!" she said, flaring up. "All the seated officers have one in their quarters! I just wanted to know if real world concerts look as good as ours!"

"You don't look at concerts, you idiot," Ichigo sighed. "They're for listening to. Concerts are an event where bands play music. Come on, I'll show you."

x

"So this is a concert?" Rukia yelled over the noise.

"Yeah!" Ichigo shouted back. Around them, the crowd was jumping madly, most of them in time to the music that was blaring out of the speakers on either side of the stage.

"Hey, is that normal?" Rukia asked, pointing.

"What?" Ichigo asked, trying to see where she was looking.

"A woman up the front just threw a small piece of fabric at the man on stage with the strange instrument!" Rukia yelled, pointing at the skimpy underwear now hanging off the lead guitarist.

"Hey, there's something happening down the front!" Ichigo yelled, glad of the distraction. "Let's check it out!"

When they had struggled their way through the crowd, they found a group of people huddled around something on the ground. "Hey!" Ichigo said loudly. "What's going on?"

"Somebody just attacked my friend!" one of them said. "He was coming to join us when he accidentally bumped into this guy with purple hair and before he could say anything, the freak turned around and stabbed him!"

"Is he okay?" Rukia asked.

"Not really," the man explained. "See for yourself."

He stepped back to let them see, and Ichigo and Rukia's mouths dropped open in astonishment.

x

"Were the reports satisfactory, Mayuri-sama?" Nemu asked, glancing around surreptitiously. She could hear something making a regular tapping noise, but couldn't figure out where it was coming from.

"Only just," he snapped. "Now go and check on the specimens in the third laboratory."

"Hai, Mayuri-sama," she said, bowing respectfully, then left. Mayuri-sama obviously hadn't been able to hear it. It must have been her imagination.

When she was gone, Mayuri allowed himself to hum in time with the rhythm his foot was tapping. "Stupid fool, crashing into me like that," he muttered. "He deserves those tentacles sprouting out of his head."

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	22. Pink vs Pink

Hey! Saturday has caught me unprepared again, but I'm going to blame it on my exams and not on the Saiyuki that has been occupying my brain instead. A long time ago (sorry!), ham337dd suggested having the Espada play pranks on each other. Recently, the idea came back to haunt me... Apologies to anyone who hasn't gotten to the Hueco Mundo arc yet, however no spoilers are involved.

Title: Pink vs. Pink

Featuring: Syazel Aporro, Lumina and Verona (his round jumping Fraccion), Pesche, Dondo Chakka, Nel, Yachiru

Timing: Before the Hueco Mundo arc

* * *

"Where is it?" Syazel Aporro said, searching through the cupboard for the fifth time. "It must be here somewhere…"

"Syazel Aporro-sama! Syazel Aporro-sama!" Lumina and Verona called, bouncing into the room.

"What do you want?" Syazel Aporro snapped, rounding on them. "I don't have time for your…"

He trailed off. Beyond his frantically jumping Fraccion, he could see three forms running along the corridor. Syazel Aporro let out a roar of rage as the smallest of them turned to look behind and he caught sight of the large bottle she was clutching.

"Get back here!' he screamed, and took off after them.

"I told you this was a bad idea!" Pesche yelled, tears streaming from his eyes. "He's gonna catch us and eat us!"

"I d-don't wanna b-be eaten, don'tcha know," Dondo Chakka cried.

"Then wun faster!" Nel yelled. "We can't find out what's in dis bottle if he catches us!" She increased her pace, and Pesche and Dondo Chakka hurried to keep up.

The chase continued down the corridors of Hueco Mundo until the siblings burst out into the desert. "We're done for, don'tcha know," Dondo Chakka sobbed. "There's nowhere left to run!"

Pesche struck a brave pose. "I'll hold him off while you run," he said as his knees trembled.

"No! Pesche!" Nel and Dondo Chakka cried, clinging to each other and sobbing.

"Or…" he said.

x

A few moments later, Syazel Aporro reached the desert, a mad glint in his eye. "Now, where are you?" he said, searching for his prey. "I know you're here somewhere…"

He saw a strange residue that hung shimmering in the air, and his lips curved into a cruel smile. "So, you've fled to the real world," he murmured. "That won't save you!"

He ripped open a passageway and stepped through to the real world. As soon as his foot touched the grass, his gaze fell on a small pink-haired girl watching him curiously. "Damn you, stupid girl!" he raged. "How dare you use that!"

She tilted her head to the side. "You have the same hair as me!" she exclaimed with a wide smile.

"Of course!" he yelled. "You stole my hair dye!"

He leapt at her, and her smile grew wider. "Angry wants to play!' she said happily.

x

"You're not very good at playing," she said severely. "Ken-chan is much more fun!"

She walked away, and Nel, who had been hiding nearby, came out and wandered over to the beaten-up Espada. "Hey, how come your hair is gwey at the bottom?"

* * *

This can be totally justified as a Shinigami's Cup because Yachiru makes an appearance, even if I don't use her name. Yeah... Anyway, still looking for prompts, even if it takes me forever to use them!


	23. Strip Poker

Today's episode comes to you at the request of ZephyrFiction, who is possibly one of the pushiest people I know. Loosing minons on me... humph! (Sticks tongue out and goes off to sulk)

Title: Strip Poker

Featuring: Ikkaku, Hisagi, Kira, Matsumoto, Kyouraku, Yumichika

Timing: Pre-series

* * *

"Read them and weep!" Ikkaku said triumphantly, laying his cards down in front of him.

"Not so fast, Ikkaku-san," Hisagi said, laying his own hand down.

Kira looked between the spread cards and sighed. "You know, this really isn't much fun when there's no stakes."

"What do you mean, no stakes?" Ikkaku said, rounding on him. "We're playing to see who buys the next round of sake!"

"Which is you," Hisagi noted.

"It's still not very exciting," Kira muttered.

"Hi boys! What's going on?" Matsumoto asked, joining them.

"How about this, then?" Ikkaku asked. "Matsumoto, you want to play strip poker with us?"

Kira choked on his drink, and Hisagi's cheeks turned pink. "What's that?" she asked, blinking in confusion.

Ikkaku's smile widened, and Hisagi's blush grew darker. "It's a game. It's fun!"

"OK!"

x

Two hours later, a fully-clothed Matsumoto sat opposite a shivering Ikkaku and Kyouraku. When Kyouraku had heard the words 'strip poker', he had immediately joined in, dragging a reluctant Ukitake down with him. Kira, Hisagi and Ukitake had excused themselves as soon as possible and reclaimed their clothes, but Ikkaku and Kyouraku refused to give up until they got at least one piece of clothing off her.

"Three nines," Kyouraku said smugly, displaying his cards.

"And I have a straight," Ikkaku said, teeth chattering. It was too cold to be wandering around in a loincloth. "Take it off, babe!"

"But I thought a royal flush beat a straight," Matsumoto said innocently, showing her cards. "That's right, isn't it?"

"I just remembered, I have somewhere very important to be," Kyouraku said hurriedly. "Goodbye!" He shunpoed away, shuddering. It certainly wouldn't do for Nanao-chan to learn he had ended up naked in a Rukongai bar.

Ikkaku swore under his breath and turned to look fearfully at Matsumoto, who had an evil glint in her eye. "How did it go?" she asked. "'Take it off'?"

x

Ikkaku laid his head on the dojo floor. "I'm never going back to that bar again!" he moaned.

"It's a pity you left so early last night, Ikkaku," Yumichika said, hiding a smile. "Hisagi-san told me that after you left, Tousen-taichou came, and when he heard what had happened, he promised to avenge his fukutaichou's loss. He beat her quite easily."

"WHAT?" Ikkaku exploded, sitting up. "Did he at least get a picture?"

"Well yes, but…"

"What?"

Yumichika handed over a small square, and Ikkaku stared at it eagerly, only to groan in disappointment. "Never get a blind photographer," he muttered.

"It is a beautiful shot of her face, though," Yumichika pointed out.

* * *

Sorry, I think Ikkaku got away from me a little. I hope it was enjoyed anyway!

P.S. Apologies to ZephyrFiction. You weren't THAT pushy...


	24. Not So Hot Spring

Here we go again! For those of you who don't watch in Japanese, an onsen is a hot spring and 'Some no Mai, Tsuki Shiro' is First Dance, White Moon. I think. Anyway, it's the first level of Rukia's shikai.

Title: Not So Hot Spring

Featuring: Kiyone, Ukitake, Hisagi, Iba, Akon, Rukia, Kira, Omaeda

* * *

"Taichou!" Kiyone shouted, hurrying through the 13th division. "Ukitake-taichou! Where are you?"

Rounding a corner, she nearly crashed into him. "Ukitake-tacihou!' she exclaimed, regaining her balance. "I've been looking all over for you! Kuchiki-san needs to talk to you about the new recruits she's training today…"

"I'm very sorry, but I'm running late," Ukitake said apologetically, edging around her. "Tell Kuchiki-san I'll speak with her later."

"But Taichou..." Kiyone started, only to sigh as he disappeared.

x

"Sorry I'm late," Ukitake said, sliding the door open.

"You haven't missed anything," Hisagi said, peering over the top of his sunglasses.

"Now that we're all here," Iba said, staring at Ukitake meaningfully, "we can declare this meeting of the Shinigami Men's Association open. Does anyone have any ideas for fundraising now that the Women's Association has cut our budget?"

"Before we begin, can I just say that whoever had the idea to have the meeting here is a genius?" Akon said, leaning back with a sigh of contentment. "With all the work Mayuri-sama gives me, I never get the chance to come here and relax."

"It certainly does make a nice change," Ukitake agreed as he stepped into the water. "I haven't been to an onsen in ages!"

x

"Taichou!" Rukia called, walking through the streets of Rukongai. "Ukitake-taichou! Are you here?"

She came to a stop. "He promised that he would meet me before it was time for the training," she said worriedly. "I needed to check and make sure he had booked it."

She shook her head. "I must have faith in my taichou," she said with determination. "I'll gather up the recruits and go anyway."

x

"Stop!" Rukia ordered. The young shinigami, fresh from the Academy and awed to be in the presence of the famous Kuchiki Rukia, flinched and huddled together. "We're here."

She turned around, and smiled in delight at the 'closed' sign on the door. _Taichou did remember!_ she thought gratefully.

She turned back to the freshmen and smiled. "You've all achieved shikai and discovered you have ice-type zanpakutou, so today we're going to practise using those powers."

x

"I don't think you're going to get enough volunteers, President," Kira said, a faint blush dusting his cheeks.

"Then you are not truly men!" Iba huffed, crossing his arms.

"Not wanting to pose naked for a calendar doesn't mean we're 'not truly men'," Akon pointed out.

There was silence for a few minutes before Ukitake spoke up. "I'm certain there was something I was supposed to do today," he said, a slight frown of concentration creasing his brow.

"Hey, who had the idea to put the 'closed' sign up outside?" Omaeda asked suddenly. "It's great not having to share the water with all those dirty Rukongai people."

"Rukongai… hot spring… closed…" Ukitake sat up with a splash. "Oh no! Kuchiki-san!"

x

"So, we need to focus our reiatsu on the area we wish to freeze," Rukia explained. "This is made easier in the presence of large amounts of water like this hot spring. Watch closely."

"Dance, Sode no Shirayuki!"

x

A faint chime of bells made Ukitake stand up in alarm. "Everyone, get out now!" he shouted.

"Some no Mai, Tsuki Shiro!"

_At least I'm wearing a towel,_ Ukitake thought gratefully as they were encased in ice.

* * *

I just loved the idea of all of the Shinigami Men's Association being frozen into an icy column... Thanks for reading!


	25. Hiccups

And so we come to another week of Shinigami's Cup-

Ishida (pushing his glasses up his nose): Excuse me, Author-san.

Ichigo: What the…? What the hell are you doing here? This is a _Shinigami_'s Cup, baka!

Ishida: Then why are you here, Kurosaki? You're not even a real shinigami, yet you seem to have made an appearance in several episodes.

Ichigo (ready to explode): Teme…

Ishida (ignoring him): Arrancar and that ridiculous stuffed animal of yours have been featured. Even Inoue-san has appeared, and she isn't anything like a shinigami. I think, therefore, that I am entitled to an episode of my own, as Quincy are naturally superior to Shinigami.

Very well, but on your head be it.

Title: Hiccups

Featuring: Ishida, Ichigo, Orihime, Chad

* * *

"Good morning, Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime cried, waving.

"Morning," Ichigo grunted in return.

"Did you finish the homework last night?" she asked cheerfully, oblivious to his sourness.

"No. Rukia and I were fighting Hollows most of the night," he groaned, dropping into his seat and slumping back. "Forget homework; I didn't have time to sleep."

"Maybe I should ask Sado-kun or Ishida-kun instead," she said, her gaze wandering around the room. Her eyes fell on the blue-haired genius and she grinned. "I'll be back!"

She bounced across the room and landed beside Ishida with a thump. "Good morning, Ishida-kun!" she said.

Ishida jumped a little, then tried to recover by pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Good morning, Inoue-sa-"

"Ishida-kun? Are you all right?" she asked worriedly. He had stopped mid-sentence and was sitting still with a strange expression on his face. "Ishida-kun?"

"I'm… fine, Inoue-sa-" This time, it was loud enough for her to hear.

"Ishida-kun, you have the hiccups!" she said, surprised.

"So it- hic!- seems," he answered, a faint blush colouring his cheeks.

"That's all right! I know lots of ways to get rid of hiccups!" she said with a smile. She started counting on her fingers. "There's thinking of bald men, and saying 'pineapple', and talking without stopping for ten seconds which usually works for me and… Oh! I know! Come on!"

She pulled him out of his seat and headed for the door, only to crash into Chad as he came in. "Oh, good morning Sado-kun!" Orihime greeted him. "Ishida-kun has the hiccups, so we're going to get rid of them!"

"Have you tried holding your breath? It usually works for me," Chad said.

Ishida nodded and started holding his breath, but after about fifteen seconds of puffed-out cheeks and feeling ridiculous, he needed to breathe and the hiccups were still there.

"Let's try my idea!" Orihime exclaimed.

x

"So, we tried drinking water from the opposite side of the cup, hanging upside down until the blood rushes to your head, pulling your tongue and holding it, suddenly pouring water in your mouth without warning you…" Orihime said thoughtfully. "And you _still_ have the hiccups!"

"Perhaps they'll- hic!- go away with- hic!- out help," Ishida coughed. Orihime had poured in far too much water and some of it had gone up his nose.

"Ah! I thought of a new one!" she exclaimed. "YARGH!"

The sudden scream made the startled Ishida jump backwards and nearly trip over Chad, who caught him before he hit his head on the wall. "Careful," he rumbled.

"Thank- hic!- you, Sado-kun," Ishida gasped.

"Oh, it didn't work," she said, disappointed.

"There you are," came another voice, and Ichigo joined them. "What are you guys doing?"

"We're trying to get rid of Ishida-kun's hiccups," Orihime explained.

"Whatever," Ichigo said. "Did you ask him about the homework?"

"No, I didn't!" Orihime immediately turned around and began quizzing Ishida on his version of the homework, Ishida answering her questions whenever she paused for breath.

"Hey, your hiccups are gone!" she suddenly noticed.

Ishida blinked in surprise, then smiled a little. "That's a relief," he said quietly. "I hate having the hiccups. They're so embarrassing."

"All you have to do to get rid of them is stop thinking about them," Ichigo said, turning away. "Come on, class is about to start."

Ishida nodded and followed everyone down the corridor. There was only one thing more embarrassing than hiccups to have in school, and that was…

"ACHOO!"

* * *

Ishida (disgruntled): That was not what I had in mind at all, Author-san!

Ichigo (grinning): You being pathetic, me saving the day… sounds right to me!

_Ishida shoots a small arrow at Ichigo, who drops to the floor._

Ishida (coolly): My finger slipped.

Do it again, and I'll take the bow away. Beside, it's your own fault for hijacking the story. Thanks for reading!


	26. Babysitting

Sorry this is so late; it's just been one of those days. Today's episode comes to you at the request of Pyromaniac-Girl, who asked for a chapter where Byakuya gives Yachiru sweets. I hope you like it!

Title: Babysitting

Featuring: Byakuya, Yachiru, Yumichika

* * *

At the faint knock on his door, Byakuya looked up from his desk. "Come in," he said calmly. There was no answer, so he got up and opened the door himself. Seeing no one in sight, he frowned in irritated puzzlement until something touched his foot. He looked down and found a sleeping Yachiru had rolled over and was drooling on his foot. Suppressing the urge to kick the sleeping child, he reached down and took the note attached to her forehead off and read it.

"Kuchiki-taichou, it is your turn to mind our fukutaichou today. Best of luck! Eleventh division." He looked down at the girl, who was beginning to stir. "Why me?"

Suddenly Yachiru's eyes snapped wide open and she sat up. She yawned and stretched, then beamed up at Byakuya. "Morning, Byakkun!" she exclaimed. "What are we gonna do today?"

x

Byakuya's eyebrow twitched as another crashing sound came from the hallway. "Hey, look how many pieces this one broke into!" he heard Yachiru yell excitedly. A dreadful scratchy scraping sound that made him wince followed. "And you can draw with the bits!"

He stood and opened the door. Yachiru looked up from the drawing she was scratching into the wooden floor with a fragment of an expensive vase and grinned. "Does Byakkun want to play too?" she asked.

"In there now," he ordered, pointing to his office.

"Nope!" she shouted cheerfully. "This is much more fun!"

"If you don't get in there now," Byakuya said, "I won't give you any sweets."

Almost before the word was out of his mouth, Yachiru was sitting in the middle of his office, smiling innocently. "Give me sweets!" she demanded.

Byakuya suppressed a smirk as he looked through his desk, searching for the tin of toffee Ukitake had given him for his last birthday. His single experiment with the sticky sweet had glued his teeth together for the better part of a day, so it should keep Yachiru occupied and silent for a little while.

He finally located the tin and brought it out. He walked over to where Yachiru sat and popped a piece into her mouth. She let out a happy little murmur as she struggled to chew, and Byakuya breathed a silent sigh of relief. Perhaps now he would get some peace.

x

"Stop immediately!" Byakuya ordered. The hyperactive pink streak Yachiru had become took no notice, and continued to run across his ceiling, giggling madly.

"Come on, Byakushi, you should try this too!" she cheered, running in circles.

Byakuya gritted his teeth. "Come here now!" he commanded, pointing to the floor in front of him.

"I have a better game!" Yachiru exclaimed. She launched herself off the ceiling and landed on Byakuya's desk, scattering papers everywhere. Byakuya's mouth, already opening to chastise her, dropped open further and stayed open as she shucked off her outer robe and began dancing on his desk.

"I'm a little teapot…" she sang.

x

"Somebody answer the door," Yumichika said absently when he heard the knock.

One of the lower-ranked shinigami unfortunate enough to be caught and forced to do paperwork got up and stomped to the door, ready to take out his bad mood on whoever was there. Instead, his face went white and he fell down in a dead faint.

"How ugly," Yumichika tutted, and went to see for himself. "Though understandable," he added upon seeing the package.

Yachiru glared up at him and continued her useless struggle. He gently untied her and removed the gag, then sighed as she shot past him. "Hmm, Fukutaichou in her underwear and tied up by Kuchiki-taichou's scarf… He must have given her sugar."

* * *

For those of you who have sent me requests, I promise they will be posted. I've had everything on the backburner during exams, and now that I've finally found I passed them, I can redirect my energy from fretting into writing. See you next week!


	27. Let Them Eat Cake

Yo! This Saturday's episode of Shinigami's Cup comes to you at the request of A.D.D.Vengance, who suggested having a cake-baking contest. Hope you like it! As a side-note, for those of you who haven't seen the Amagai Shuusuke arc, he is the new third squad captain. He's a nice guy, polite, and can get drunk off sake fumes. Even a drop is enough to make him pass out.

Title: Let Them Eat Cake

Featuring: Amagai, Kyouraku, Yamamoto, Nanao

* * *

Amagai stopped in front of the great double doors and took a deep breath. _Calm down,_ he told himself. _You can do this, Shuusuke. Just stay calm._

He opened one door and slipped through, then jumped in shock as Kyouraku appeared next to him. "Kyouraku-senpai!" he exclaimed.

"Hey, Amagai-kun," he greeted the younger captain. "Are you ready for today? There are a lot of people counting on you."

"I hope I don't disappoint," he replied.

"Ah, well, that will depend on who you choose," Kyouraku said slyly. "If I were you, I'd save Yama-jii for last."

"Why's that?" Amagai asked, following him towards the laden table.

"You'll see," was the enigmatic answer.

They stopped in front of the first shinigami, who bowed politely. "And what do we have here?" Amagai asked kindly.

"It's a sponge cake with jam and cream, Amagai-taichou," she said. "Please try some!"

Amagai took a forkful and chewed thoughtfully. "Very nice," he said. "Perhaps not quite enough jam, but still nice."

"Thank you, Taichou!"

Amagai made his way along the line of contestants, sampling all their cakes and offering comments until he came to Yamamoto's. He flinched slightly, and Kyouraku grinned at the look of horror that briefly appeared on his face.

"And what's this?" Amagai managed to choke out, staring at the lopsided… creation in front of him.

"It is a secret recipe known only to me and my sensei," Yamamoto said proudly as Kyouraku smothered a chuckle. "Coffee and sweetbean cake!"

"Ah…" Amagai gulped. "Perhaps I should save such a wonderful recipe for last, as it would be unfair for me to compare all those I have yet to taste to such… such an exquisite taste!"

"Indeed," Yamamoto said. "And having already tasted the others, you will be able to have a larger slice of mine!"

"Indeed," Amagai repeated faintly.

He stumbled on to the next entry, looking slightly green. "See what I meant?" Kyouraku whispered when they were out of earshot.

"Who is his sensei?" Amagai whispered. "Do they have no sense of taste at all?"

"Well, Orihime-chan certainly has a _different_ sense of taste… Nanao-chan! I didn't know you were entering! What gorgeous surprise have you made for your gorgeous taichou?"

"It is not for you, Taichou," she answered, adjusting her glasses. "It is for the contest. It is called a tiramisu, and comes from a place in the real world called Italy."

"It certainly looks delicious," Amagai said, admiring the deep glass bowl and the layers that could be seen within it. "What's in it?"

"Sponge fingers, custard, Mascarpone, cocoa powder…" Nanao listed as Amagai dug a spoon in and raised it to his mouth. "But the real secret is to soak the sponge fingers in espresso coffee and just a little bit of brandy…"

"Brandy? Amagai-kun, stop!" Kyouraku said, whirling around.

But he was too late. As soon as the brandy-soaked sponge touched Amagai's lips, a rosy blush spread across his cheeks. He giggled and fell over, and began snoring loudly. The other shinigami came out from behind the table and stared down at him. One of them tentatively prodded him. "Er… so who wins?"

* * *

Yay, I've finally managed to bring in Amagai! Now I just need to feature Tousen in one, and I've got the set. Any suggestions for him? I've only mentioned him in other peoples' so far, and it would be good for him to have his own. I am also looking for suggestions for Aizen and Gin, as they haven't had much of an appearance yet.


	28. Surprise!

Does anyone else feel that the quality of these has been slipping lately? My current Saiyuki obsession is making thinking of Bleach difficult, and I've been scrambling to post every Saturday. My sincerest apologies. In happier news, this story reached over twenty thousand hits after last week's chapter, so thank you all very much! It's always good to know that other people have a higher opinion of my work than I do.

Today's chapter was requested a very long time ago by crimsonhyourinmaru, who had a strange phobia for me to try out on Soi Fon. I almost feel sorry for her...

Title: Surprise!

Featuring: Soi Fon, Isane, Matsumoto, Hinamori, Omaeda

* * *

Soi Fon's mouth tightened in anger as she approached the second division headquarters. At this time of evening, there should be lights burning inside, and the shadows of her subordinates working hard should be cast upon the paper windows. Instead, all was still and dark.

Already planning the tirade she intended to unleash as soon as she found them, Soi Fon slid open the door to her office and stepped inside. Her hand immediately fell to her waist where Suzumebachi waited, ready for action. Something wasn't right. She could feel other presences in the room…

"SURPRISE!" everyone yelled as balls of kido lit the room and balloons and streamers fell from the ceiling. "Happy birthday!"

As the noisemakers died down, an uneasy silence fell over the room. "Where did she go?" Isane asked, wondering.

"Up there!" Matsumoto cried, then doubled over laughing.

Everyone looked up to see Soi Fon spread-eagled clinging desperately to the ceiling, her eyes wide with terror.

"Soi Fon-taichou?" Hinamori asked, her head tilted to the side in puzzlement. "What's wrong?"

"Get them away from me!" Soi Fon breathed.

Hinamori glanced around the room at the other guests. "Who are you talking about?"

"Them!" Soi Fon said, pointing dramatically. Unfortunately, without the hand she had removed from the ceiling to point, she couldn't hold on any longer, and fell from the ceiling head-first into the cake, which splattered all over the room and the assembled guests.

In the stunned silence that followed, Omaeda wiped a streak of icing from his cheek and licked it thoughtfully. "Mmm, vanilla," he said happily.

With this, the entire room burst out laughing.

x

"Taichou's so mean to make us clean all this up," Omaeda muttered, pushing a broom across the floor.

"Well, we were laughing at her," Hinamori said, her lips twitching into another smile at the thought of Soi Fon's nosedive. "Did anyone get any pictures?"

"I wish," Matsumoto grumbled as she picked up streamers. "It would have been a good one to add to my collection…"

"What collection, Rangiku-san?" Hinamori asked.

Matsumoto winked. "You'll see!"

"It still isn't fair Taichou only made us clean up," Omaeda said. "Just because everyone else ran before she got the icing out of her eyes!"

"I still can't figure out what Soi Fon-taichou was so scared of," Hinamori said thoughtfully. "Do you know, Omaeda-san?"

Omaeda's face lit up with an evil grin. "Come back here in the morning and I'll show you. Omaeda Marechiyo cleans up after no one!"

x

Soi Fon entered her office and checked carefully before she entered. It seemed like the three fukutaichou had done a good job of cleaning, and _they_ were all gone. She strode to her desk and settled herself into her chair.

"Omaeda!" she called. "Bring me this morning's paperwork!"

There was no answer. Soi Fon tapped her foot impatiently, and called again. "Omaeda! Where are you, you lazy oaf?"

She leaned back in her chair and sighed. "Why do I keep that idiot anyway?" she muttered, stretching to relieve her frustration.

She froze. There was something under her desk. Something soft, and giving, and _rubbery_…

x

Omaeda snickered as a scream came from Soi Fon's office and Matsumoto and Hinamori jumped. "What was that?" Hinamori squeaked.

"Sounds like Taichou found the balloon I left under her desk," he sniggered.

The two women exchanged looks. "_That_ was what Soi Fon-taichou was so scared of?" Hinamori eventually said.

"The most feared woman in Soul Society is _scared of balloons_?" Matsumoto giggled. "Oh, I just _have_ to tell them for the next SWA meeting…"

* * *

Soi Fon is so fun to torment! Sorry it took me so long, crimsonhyourinmaru. I hope you enjoyed it!


	29. Freeloader's Revenge

Here we go again! I realised when I posted last week that the previous chapter marks six months of weekly updates, so thanks for sticking it out! And apologies for the late review replies last week; it was my first week back at uni this week and I feel run off my feet.

Isoro-san effectively means Mr. Freeloader.

Title: Freeloader's Revenge

Featuring: Renji, Jinta, Ururu, Urahara, Tessai

Timing: When Renji was living at Urahara's shop

* * *

Renji swallowed the last of his rice and eyed his bowl, wondering if he dare ask for a refill. Urahara and Tessai had already left the table, so that left…

"Still hungry, isoro-san?" Jinta asked with a smug grin. "I'd give you some more, but I worked so hard today that I need it way more than a freeloader."

"Jinta-kun…" Ururu said softly. "That's not nice…"

"He doesn't work, he doesn't eat," Jinta retorted, making a face at her.

"But I did work!" Renji protested. "Urahara-san had me unloading boxes all afternoon!"

"That's it? I helped out too _and_ I swept the entire store. But I'll make a deal with you. If you do the mopping tomorrow, I'll give you extra at dinner. What do you say?"

"You got it!" Renji nearly cheered. Finally, his work was going to be acknowledged!

x

"Hey, isoro-san!" Jinta called. "You missed a spot!"

Renji muttered something under his breath, but dragged the mop and bucket over to where Jinta was pointing. His mouth dropped open as he spied the long line of dirty footprints across the freshly washed shop floor. "What the hell?"

"You're not very good at this, huh?" Jinta said, smirking. "You'll have to do better than that to get extra dinner."

He turned and disappeared into the back. "Why you…" Renji growled, noticing the small size of the footprints. "You did that on purpose!"

With an angry scowl, Renji dunked the mop and started washing the floor again. "I'll get the little brat for this!"

x

At dinner that night, Renji couldn't keep the grin off his face. "Is something the matter, Abarai-san?" Urahara asked, glancing over at him. "You seem to be unusually cheerful this evening."

"Where is Jinta-dono?" Tessai asked. He began looking around the room, even lifting the floor cushions in his search. "It is not like him to be late for dinner."

Suddenly, the door slid open to reveal a soaking wet Jinta. "Jinta-kun!" Ururu exclaimed. "What happened?"

"That spiky red-pineapple-headed freeloader happened!" Jinta spluttered. "He set the mop water up to fall on me!"

x

Later that night, Jinta crouched in the corridor, waiting. A slight noise alerted him that someone was moving, and he hid deeper in the shadows. A red blur shot past, and a few moments later Jinta's grin grew wider as he heard muffled pained groans coming from behind the bathroom door.

"Never trick a trickster," he whispered, pocketing the small tin he had taken from Tessai's medicine cabinet.

* * *

I guess they actually get on better than this, but it was more fun this way! And I wanted to have an episode involving Tessai's strange 'medicines'... Anyway, hope you enjoyed!


	30. Blackmail Backfire

My brain feels like a firework at the moment; all fizzing and spluttering. I have half a million things to do, but I keep getting caught up thinking about what I have to do and not actually doing it. Having said that, posting this is one thing on my to-do list I can mark off. Enjoy!

Title: Blackmail Backfire

Featuring: Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Hisagi, Ikkaku, Renji

Timing: Sometime after 'Not A Party Animal'

* * *

"But Taichou, I told the others I would meet them at the bar in ten minutes!" Matsumoto whined. "I can't finish all this paperwork by then!"

"That's why I told you to do it four hours ago," Hitsugaya said between clenched teeth.

Matsumoto pouted. "Oh, come on, Taichou, _please_?" she pleaded. "I'll get it done in the morning…"

"You've tried that before," he said with a frown. "The next morning, you showed up for work two hours late moaning about the massive hangover you had and didn't do anything at all. Finish it _now_, Matsumoto."

She sighed. "Fine." Hitsugaya nodded in satisfaction and headed for the door, but paused as she continued. "If that's how you want to play it, Taichou… I guess I have no choice."

"What are you talking about?" he asked irritably.

"If you don't let me go, then I'll show everyone the picture I took of you and Hinamori snuggled up together in the cupboard!" she said triumphantly.

His reaction surprised her. She expected him to go white and give in while he demanded the photo and promised retribution if she ever used it. Instead, his lips curved into a nasty smile and he chuckled evilly.

"I thought you might try using that one day," he said smugly. "So I prepared a few snapshots of my own…"

x

"Hey, Rangiku-san's even later than usual," Hisagi slurred, pouring Kira another cup of sake. "I wonder where she is?"

"Hey, it just means more sake for us," Ikkaku argued. "Pass the bottle!"

A hell butterfly fluttered into the bar and approached Renji, the most sober of the group. He listened to its faint chiming, then turned to his companions.

"Rangiku-san isn't coming. She has to stay and finish paperwork," he explained.

Dead silence fell as the entire bar turned to look at him in shock. "How the hell did that midget manage to make her stay?" Ikkaku finally asked.

x

Matsumoto sat behind her captain's desk, furiously filling out forms by candlelight. "I never knew Taichou was so sneaky," she muttered as her brush flew across the page. "I thought I had completely covered that up…"

She dropped the brush and took another look at the photo Hitsugaya had given her after warning her that he had several copies hidden safely away. There were plenty of photos of her asleep around; she didn't mind that bit. It was a little embarrassing that she was obviously snoring and a puddle of drool had collected on the ground below her open mouth, but it still wasn't too bad. No, the bit she minded was the fact that her makeup had come off and revealed that enormous _zit_…

* * *

Do you have any idea how hard it is to think of stuff to embarrass Matsumoto? Now you know why my brain's fizzing...


	31. Baking Blind

Sorry this is kind of late. I've actually been working for once, and spent the better part of nine hours packing up a library. Not the best Saturday I've ever had...

This week's chapter comes to you at the request of KazeRose, who wanted Tousen to celebrate Hisagi's birthday (14th August). Apologies for last week to Kyoshi Slickfish; I forgot to mention that it was you who requested Matsumoto's blackmail attempt. I'm so sorry!

Title: Baking Blind

Featuring: Tousen (for the first time!), Komamura, Unohana, Hisagi

Timing: 14th August, pre-series

* * *

"Komamura, thank you for coming," Tousen said, inclining his head slightly.

"It is always a pleasure to assist a friend," Komamura said, ducking to get in through the doorway. "However, the message Hisagi-fukutaichou brought was not particularly clear. What do you require my help for?"

"I could not be clearer in my message due to the identity of the messenger," Tousen said. "Our task concerns Hisagi, and I don't want him to know about it."

Komamura looked over at his friend. "What are we doing?"

"It is Hisagi's birthday today and I want to bake him a cake," Tousen explained.

Komamura slumped slightly. "I will find it difficult to help you, my friend," he rumbled. "I am not a baker."

"Do not fear," Tousen assured him. "I have instructions. What I need you to do is help me read them."

x

"The first thing on the list is 'S. R. flour'," Komamura read. "What is S. R. flour?"

Tousen was silent. "The only thing I can think of," he said at last, "is 'scarlet red'. Could you locate a scarlet red flower and grind up the required amount?"

"That… seems a peculiar ingredient," Komamura said, scratching his head. "Are you sure that is correct?"

"It is the only logical explanation," he replied calmly. "If you can give me the rest of the list, I can continue while you are searching."

Komamura read out the rest of the list, Tousen nodded as he committed each item to memory. "Add the wet ingredients together and add the dry ingredients together, then combine," Komamura finished. "I'll return as soon as I can with the flower."

Tousen heard him leave, then turned his attention to the items he could sense in front of him. _Sugar first_, he thought. He reached out a hand and, touching hard crystals, brought his fingers back to his mouth to check their identity. He fought the urge to gag and said calmly, "I believe that was the salt."

x

"I found the flower, but I had to grind up several to fill the cup," Komamura said.

"Thank you," Tousen replied, carefully pouring something hot into a bowl. "I am now adding the cocoa to the wet ingredients, and we will be ready to mix."

Komamura shook the contents of his cup into the bowl of sugar and watched as Tousen began to stir everything together. "Could you stir for a while?" Tousen asked after a while. "The instructions say to beat well, but the little bits of eggshell refuse to become smooth."

"Of course," Komamura said, and began to stir so fast that the mixture splashed up the sides of the bowl. "Hisagi-fukutaichou is certainly in for a surprise!"

x

"So, you helped Tousen-taichou make Hisagi-kun a cake?" Unohana asked, smiling gently. "That was very kind of you, Komamura-taichou. What kind?"

"I… don't exactly know what you mean, Unohana-taichou," Komamura said. "I do not eat cake myself."

"Well, what ingredients did you put in?" she asked.

"I was looking for the flower when Tousen put the other ingredients in, but I know that we used scarlet red flowers!" he said proudly.

Unohana's face paled, and she looked over to where Tousen was wheeling the cake out to a red-cheeked Hisagi. "Happy birthday, fukutaichou," he said, passing the first slice to Hisagi.

As Unohana opened her mouth to shout a warning, Hisagi's closed on the cake. He chewed for a moment, swallowed, then smiled up at his captain. "Thank you, Taichou. It's wonderful!"

x

"Congratulations on your excellent cake, Tousen!" Komamura said later.

Tousen sighed. "I am afraid that it was not our cake, my friend. When ours came out of the oven, the smell was so bad that I passed out on the kitchen floor. I awoke only ten minutes before Hisagi's party, so I was forced to buy a cake before he returned. I am sorry."

Unohana, overhearing from nearby, breathed a quiet sigh of relief. "Hisagi-kun, you may never know how lucky you are."

* * *

I just kept thinking of more cooking mistakes I wanted to include, which is why this one got so long! Thanks!

By the way, I love all the 'please update soon' reviews I get, but I really can't manage more than the one chapter each Saturday. Thank you anyway though, and keep sending in requests!


	32. Winter War

I have no idea where this one came from. Please enjoy anyway.

Title: Winter War

Featuring: Ishida, Ichigo, Orihime, Renji, Rukia, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya

* * *

"Kurosaki! Get down!" Ishida shouted, pulling on Ichigo's sleeve. Ichigo crashed to the ground, then furiously rounded on the blue-haired boy.

"What the hell are you doing?" he raged. "I had a clear shot!"

Ishida pointed wordlessly to the tree behind them, and Ichigo gulped when he saw the state of it. "Um, thanks, I guess…"

"Kurosaki-kun! Ishida-kun! Are you all right?" Orihime asked, hurrying over to them.

"We're fine, Inoue-san," Ishida answered. "What about you and Sado-kun?"

"Sado-kun got hit pretty hard, so I helped him out of the way," Orihime answered. "Where are the enemy?"

"They're over there," Ichigo said, pointing to the figures behind a screen of bushes. "And at the moment, they have us trapped."

x

"Damn it! I missed!" Renji cursed, preparing another shot. "Why can't they stay still?"

"What do you think these are, normal Hollows?" Rukia said scathingly, taking aim. She let fly, and grinned in triumph as there came a pained yelp. "This is a far more cunning enemy."

"I still don't think it's fair that there are fewer of us than there are of them," Matsumoto grumbled, shivering.

"Well, it's not like we can call for back-up," Renji said, ducking as a shot came flying towards his head. Rukia squeaked as she was hit, and Matsumoto covered her head with her arms as missiles rained from the sky, stinging her skin.

"Taichou, help!" she cried.

From his position off to the side, Hitsugaya sighed. "Why should I help you when you were the one who challenged them in the first place?" he asked, scowling. "Don't involve me in your ridiculous fights!"

"But you'd be really good at this," she whined.

"I am not going to play in the snow and throw it at people!" Hitsugaya yelled, standing up. "You look like children!"

"Everybody does this, Toshiro!" Ichigo called cheerfully. "Lighten up!"

He lobbed a snowball through the air, and everyone watched as it flew for Hitsugaya in what felt like slow-motion. Renji had time for a half-gasp before it splattered all over Hitsugaya's face.

"Ano… Hitsugaya-kun?" Orihime said hesitantly.

Snow slid down his face and landed with a soft plop by his feet. "Kurosaki…" he breathed through gritted teeth. "I'm going to kill you!"

He snatched his zanpakutou from his sheath and roared its name. "Sit upon the frozen heavens, Hyourinmaru!"

"Taichou, we said no zanpakutou!" Matsumoto complained as everyone else took off running. "That's cheating!"

* * *

I haven't even seen snow in several years, but snow seemed to keep cropping up today. Maybe it's just 'cause I'm so cold...


	33. Don't Volunteer

Hey everybody! This week's Shinigami's Cup comes to you at the request of Luthiena, who wanted Ukitake to be an 'honoured guest' of the SWA. Therefore, all rotten tomatoes are to be directed her way, not mine... (;P)

Title: Don't Volunteer

Featuring: Ukitake, Iba, Kira, Hisagi, Nanao

* * *

"Ukitake Jyuushiro, captain of the thirteenth division, is cordially invited to be the honoured guest at the next Shinigami Women's Association meeting," Iba read out, frowning. "That's this afternoon. You're not planing on going, are you?"

"Well, President, I thought I should discuss it with you," Ukitake said. "It really does not seem like a wise move to accept…"

"But it could be very useful," Kira pointed out quietly.

Everyone turned to stare at him, and he looked at his feet in embarrassment. "I meant that it could be a good opportunity to find out what the women are planning," he explained. "If they discuss their plans while Ukitake-taichou is present, he will be able to inform us of what to expect and we may be able to block them or reduce the damage in some manner."

There was silence for a moment, then Iba caught Kira in a headlock. "That's brilliant!" he yelled as Kira struggled to free himself. "Ukitake-taichou! Are you ready for this mission? For the sake of your fellow men?"

Ukitake snapped to attention. "Yes sir!' he shouted.

x

"Calm down," Ukitake muttered to himself, nervously peering out from behind the curtains dividing him from the women gathered in the room. "Remember, this is a mission!"

_And you know that there's a back-up rescue plan,_ a treacherous little voice in his head added. He firmly quashed the voice and stepped out as Nanao concluded her introduction.

"It is an honour to meet with so many lovely ladies today," he said, sweeping a bow around the room.

Unfortunately, the move prompted a coughing fit. "Kurotsuchi-fukutaichou, bring a chair for Ukitake-taichou," Nanao commanded. Ukitake tried to wave Nemu off, but she ignored his wheezed protests and helped him to sit.

"Now that Ukitake-taichou has joined us, we may begin this week's meeting," Nanao said, pushing up her glasses so the light gleamed off them and hid her eyes.

x

"He's taking too long," Kira said worriedly. "He's been in there for hours!"

"President, I think it's time we went in," Hisagi said.

"Agreed. Rescue team, forward!" Iba ordered.

The Shinigami Men's Association shunpoed towards the building they had been watching since Ukitake entered and surrounded the doors. Iba put his ear to the door and listened for a moment.

"And now we move on to the next section," Nanao was saying. "Somebody pass me another band…"

"It sounds like they're torturing him," Hisagi said, listening carefully.

"Not while we're here. Attack!" Iba cried.

x

The women spun around as the doors burst open and fast-moving shapes in black shot through the room. Within moments the shapes were gone, taking the huddled shape of Ukitake with them.

x

"Ukitake-taichou! Ukitake-taichou! What happened?" Kira asked urgently.

"It was horrible!" he answered, his voice muffled by his hands hiding his face. "Those women are cruel!"

Ukitake raised his head, and the other men gasped and took a reflexive step backwards. "It can't be…" Hisagi breathed.

"They gave me a makeover!" Ukitake wailed, his tears making his mascara run and stain the white braids surrounding his face. "I'm never volunteering for a mission again!"

* * *

Thanks for the request, and I'm still looking for more!


	34. Keeping Him Company

I'm sorry this isn't particularly polished, but it's another last minute job as this week has just been uber-busy! This week's chapter comes to you at the request of A.D.D.Vengance, who wanted Aizen and Gin to get Tousen a pet.

Title: Keeping Him Company

Featuring: Gin, Aizen, Tousen

Timing: After Wonderweiss's birth/creation/whatever

* * *

"D'ya think Tousen is a dog person or a cat person?" Gin asked thoughtfully.

Aizen blinked. "An unusual question," he said. "Why do you ask?"

"Seems he must be kinda lonely here if'n he chooses to keep that lil fool Wonderweiss with him," Gin said. "So I was thinkin' 'bout gettin' him a pet to play with instead."

"That is an excellent suggestion, Gin," Aizen said with a smile. "Let us go together and obtain a pet."

x

"This is going to require more thought than I expected," Aizen said, glancing around the pet shop.

"I didn't know ya could get so many kinds o' pets!" Gin exclaimed, pressing his face up against the glass of the guinea pig cage. The animals inside scurried to the back of the cage and buried themselves under the hay, shivering slightly. "How 'bout one o' these?"

"There is no point in getting any sort of rodent. Syazel Aporro would steal it and use it in his lab," Aizen said, heading deeper into the shop.

"Fish ain't no good; he can't see the thing," Gin said, tapping on the glass and giving a goldfish a mild concussion. "Maybe a dog?"

"I'm allergic to dogs," Aizen said. "What do you think of cats?"

"Well, I like 'em, but I think the lil critter'd like Tousen's hair a lot more," Gin answered, remembering Tousen's long braids.

"Perhaps a snake would be a good choice," Aizen said, stopping in front of a glass cage where a long green snake lay curled up asleep. "Though it may get too cold for one in Hueco Mundo… Gin? Is something the matter?"

"I really don't like snakes," Gin said, keeping as far away as he could. "There's just something real creepy 'bout 'em!"

_People have said the same about you_, Aizen thought, sweat-dropping.

"Maybe we should just give up and get him a pet rock," Gin complained. "This pet-choosin' stuff is too hard!"

"What about that?" Aizen said, pointing.

Gin followed his gaze, and he slowly grinned. "Aizen, you're a genius."

x

"Is it too late to tell you that I am not lonely and that this is unnecessary?" Tousen asked after Gin explained why he had come to visit him.

"Way too late," Gin said cheerfully. "Here ya go!"

He left the room, then he and Aizen peered through the keyhole to watch Tousen's reaction. Tousen tentatively prodded the cage, then hissed as his finger was bitten. "Wretched bird," he muttered.

"Wretched bird, awk, wretched bird!" the parrot squawked, fluffing its wings.

"He can't get lonely with that thing to keep him company!" Gin said proudly.

* * *

Can you imagine those two in a pet shop? Uber-weird! (Sorry, uber is word of the week...)


	35. Copy Ken

This one has been lurking in my computer for ages now, but I could never quite figure out how to finish it off. Luckily, I worked it out today in time for this week's Shinigami's Cup. Yay!

Title: Copy Ken

Featuring: Kenpachi, Yachiru, Ikkaku, Yumichika

* * *

"What's this, Ken-chan?" Yachiru asked, peering over his shoulder at the strange contraption that sat in the middle of his office.

"Like I know," he grunted. "If it doesn't fight, I don't care."

"Good morning, Taichou, Fukutaichou," Yumichika said, entering the office. "Do you like the new machine?"

"Hi Girly! What's it for?" Yachiru asked. She jumped from Kenpachi's shoulder and prodded it inquisitively. "Does it explode?"

"Hopefully not," he answered, suppressing a wince. "It's a beautiful invention from the real world called a 'photocopier'. It makes copies of things."

"Then why's it here?" she asked.

"Because I do all of the paperwork for our division and I could use some help that doesn't complain," he explained.

"I never hear any complaints," Kenpachi said gruffly.

"That's because the rest of the squad is too cowardly to complain in front of you," came a voice from the doorway, and Ikkaku joined them. "This that new machine you were waiting for?"

"Yes. Isn't it beautiful?" Yumichika sighed, patting it lovingly.

"C'mon, Baldy. Girly wants some _alone_ time with his new toy," Yachiru giggled, grabbing Ikkaku by the hand and pulling him towards the door.

"Do you even know what that means?" Ikkaku asked as they left.

Yumichika went white. "Don't try to explain!" he shouted, hurrying after them.

Suddenly alone, Kenpachi eyed the quiet machine. "So you make copies, huh?" he said. He took a step closer and looked over the buttons, then lifted the lid. "Let's see how this works…"

x

"And please don't listen to what Matsumoto-san says when she's been drinking," Yumichika finished. Yachiru pouted but nodded, and Yumichika breathed a sigh of relief. Yachiru really was too young to learn about those kinds of things…

"I'm bored now," Yachiru announced. "Let's go find Ken-chan!"

She took off in the direction of the eleventh squad barracks, and Ikkaku and Yumichika followed her a little more slowly. As they got closer, they found a crowd of shinigami clustered around the office door.

"Is something wrong?" Yumichika asked the closest person.

"Ayasegawa-san! We heard Zaraki-taichou yelling…" he started to explain, but was cut off as a loud explosion rocked the balcony and thick black smoke began to billow out of the office.

"Coming through!' Ikkaku shouted, and began to barge through the quickly parting crowd.

"Ken-chan!" Yachiru shouted. "Did somebody come to play?"

A singed and very angry Kenpachi emerged from the smoke, one or two spikes of hair still smouldering slightly. "Yumichika," he growled, voice rougher than usual due to the smoke, "we're not getting anything else from the real world. This trash doesn't even work!"

Yumichika gasped and hurried forward only to have his worst nightmare confirmed; the shining new photocopier he had left only minutes before was a melted, twisted wreck. "What happened?" he asked dazedly.

"I told it to copy me so I could fight myself," Kenpachi said. "Then it tried to blind me with a strange light, so I drew my sword and it went crazy."

"And went boom!" Yachiru supplied, poking some of the debris. "I thought you said it wouldn't explode. If I knew it could explode, I would have stayed to play with it!"

Yumichika just dropped to his knees and screamed.

* * *

Upset Yumichika is fun... Anybody got any ideas for Nemu? I would like to write something for her soon.


	36. Nemu's Day Off

Um, I sincerely apologise for this chapter. It was the last week before mid-semester break, so everybody decided that my work should be due this week and left me no time for fun writing, and there is now only twenty minutes of Saturday left. Aargh!

Anyway, this chapter comes to you at the slightly altered request of Substitute Shinigami 95, who wanted Nemu to go on a date Mayuri didn't approve of.

Title: Nemu's Day Off

Featuring: Mayuri, Akon, Rin, Nemu

* * *

"Nemu!" Mayuri shouted impatiently, his mouth twisting into a frown. "Where are you, you stupid girl?"

"She's not in today, Taichou," Akon answered, not looking away from his computer screen. "It's her day off."

"Day off? What does she need a day off for? She exists merely to serve me; she has no needs of her own!" Mayuri shouted. He turned and paced across the room, muttering angrily under his breath.

"S-she said there was s-somewhere she n-needed to be today," Rin stammered fearfully. Mayuri's teeth had begun to audibly grind together, and his hand was absently stroking Ashisogi Jizou's hilt.

Mayuri stopped dead. "Where?" he asked, his voice low and deadly.

"The real world," Akon said as Rin fainted out of fear. "Maybe she's meeting someone."

"That's it!" Mayuri exploded. "I will not have her doing things like this without me knowing. I'm going after her!"

x

Nemu walked down the street, flexing her shoulders uncomfortably. Her gigai always made her itch, but they were necessary when moving around the real world. Besides, she couldn't meet him without one.

x

Mayuri ducked into a doorway as Nemu paused to glance behind her. After a moment, she continued on her way, occasionally looking over her shoulder.

When she disappeared around a corner, Mayuri let out a quiet sigh of relief and stepped out onto the street. "Meeting someone, is she?" he muttered. "It must be a boy. Why wouldn't she tell me if she was meeting a boy? I'm her father, aren't I?"

He began walking, still thinking aloud. "If she did not tell me, then it must be a boy I would disapprove of. I don't care if she chooses to mate with any male shinigami, so why would she come to the real world to hide her meeting?"

He stopped dead. "Unless he isn't a shinigami. Who…? That Quincy! She was unusually weak against him, even for her. She must have developed emotional attachments to him!"

He took off down the street after her at a flat-out run, eyes blazing. "I'll kill both of them!" he shouted.

x

Nemu slipped through the door, making the bell jingle. "Welcome, how may I… oh, Nemu-chan!" said a man, coming out from the back. "It's good to see you."

"It is a pleasure to see you again, Tenchou-san," Nemu said with a bow.

"Everything's ready for you in the back," he said.

And as Mayuri ran past the window planning murder, Nemu returned to her part-time job at the florist.

* * *

'Tenchou' means manager, assuming I've spelled it right. Next week's episode may be a little delayed, as next weekend is Manifest! If you're coming and see a girl wandering around dressed as Soi Fon, come and say hi!


	37. Unspoken Terrors

I am sorry this is so late, but I spent the week sewing my fingers off to be ready in time for Manifest, then spent the whole weekend actually _at _Manifest! Awesome fun. Anyway, we will be back to regular Saturday updates from now on.

Title: Unspoken Terrors

Featuring: Kira, Renji, Ikkaku, Hinamori

* * *

Kira stood outside the door, panting after his race to get there. He rapped his knuckles on the door frame and fought to get his breathing under control as he waited for an answer.

"Yes?" Renji asked, sliding the door open.

"Abarai-kun… I need… your help…" Kira gasped.

"Kira? What's wrong?" he asked. He looked out, but there was no one else in sight. "Is someone attacking you?"

"Please, just come with me!" Kira pleaded.

Renji looked at the hand tugging at his sleeve and noticed it was shaking. Anything that had frightened Kira that badly had to mean trouble, so…

"Let's get some reinforcements first," Renji said.

x

"So what's the deal, Abarai?" Ikkaku asked as they walked along the balcony.

"You'll have to ask Kira," Renji said with a shrug. "He won't say anything except 'it' is in his apartment."

"What is 'it', Kira-kun?" Hinamori asked.

Kira shuddered and increased his pace. "You'll see it when we get there," he murmured.

Hinamori dropped back a little to walk beside Renji. "It must be really bad," she said quietly. "I've never seen Kira-kun so upset before."

"Sounds like fun!" Ikkaku said with a wide grin. "I've been dying for a good fight!"

Kira came to a halt in front of the door to his apartment. "I-in there," he said, his voice shaking a little. "In the far corner of the kitchen."

The other three nodded. Ikkaku and Renji drew their zanpakutou while Hinamori prepared a kido spell, and they slowly advanced into the apartment.

They entered the kitchen, and stopped. "I don't see anything," Renji said.

"Hey! Come out and fight!" Ikkaku yelled.

Movement caught Hinamori's eye, and she spun to face it. "Way of Binding 1: Sai!" she shouted.

"Did you get it?" Kira asked, peering into the kitchen.

"You mean this?" Hinamori asked, crouching down to examine her target.

"That looks painful," Ikkaku said, looking over her shoulder. "I'll have to try it out on someone…"

On the floor was a spider, its furiously twitching legs bound to its back by invisible restraints. Ikkaku poked it, fascinated, and it rocked a little before settling.

"So you called us all here because you were scared of a spider?" he laughed. "That's hilarious! Right, Abarai?"

There was no answer, and Ikkaku looked over to find Renji passed out on the floor.

"Oh dear," Kira said with a sigh. "It seems Abarai-kun is even more frightened of spiders than I am."

* * *

'Sai' is that spell Rukia used on Ichigo in the first episode to restrain his arms behind his back. Sorry again, and if anyone can give me prompts for Hanatarou or for Kaien, that would be fantastic. Thanks!


	38. Supply Run

I'm so sorry this is late! I ran out of time yesterday because I went out, so I didn't get time to post this. Please don't hurt me!

Title: Supply Run

Featuring: Isane, Unohana, Hanatarou, Ryuken

* * *

"I'm out of surgical tape. Pass me a new roll," Isane said without looking away from her patient.

"Fresh gloves, please," Unohana called, peeling off her soiled ones.

"This is the last roll, Kotetsu-fukutaichou, and it seems we only have three more pairs of gloves, Unohana-taichou," Hanatarou said meekly, dropping the tape into Isane's outstretched hand and holding the gloves ready for Unohana to slip on.

"How did we get so low on supplies?" Isane exclaimed. "We only stocked up last week!"

"I'm afraid that Zaraki-taichou has been rather rough on his new batch of recruits," Unohana said quietly as she moved on to the next patient. "Yamada-kun, I'm sorry, but would you mind going for supplies?"

x

Hanatarou looked both ways, and took a deep breath before racing across the corridor. Reaching out a hand, he turned the doorknob and let it swing open, wincing as it creaked.

Quick as a flash, he was inside and scanning the labels of the shelves. "Cotton wool, bandages, gloves…" he muttered under his breath. "Good!"

He swung the sling off his back and began filling it, only stopping when he couldn't cram anything else in. "That should do for a while," he said, putting the strap over his head.

"Who's there?" The lights came on and Hanatarou squeaked. He ran for the door, ignoring the cry of rage as the missing equipment was noticed, and sped down the corridor with his discoverer in hot pursuit.

"Blasted shinigami! Take this!"

Hanatarou risked a glance over his shoulder, and yelped as he saw the crackling blue arrow flying towards him. He shot around a corner and the arrow exploded against the wall, leaving it charred. With a desperate slash of Hisagomaru, the gate opened and he was through.

x

Ishida Ryuken came to a halt. The shinigami boy was gone, along with _his_ supplies. "Damn shinigami!" he cursed. "That's the third time this month! Get your own supplies!"

* * *

I always wondered where Seireitei gets its supplies from...


	39. Apologies: Change to Updates

I know I hate it when other people do this, but it really is the best way to make an announcement. I'm afraid that there won't be an episode of Shinigami's Cup this week. I just don't have the inspiration at the moment, and updating this has become a a chore instead of the fun it was at the start. Therefore, to avoid becoming repetitive and boring, I will no longer continue to update this on a weekly basis. This isn't the end, but updates from now on will be sporadic and whenever I feel like it rather than every Saturday as I've been trying to do. I'm really sorry!


	40. Secret Santa

Hi! My apologies for dropping off the face of the Earth for... um, ages, but I had an awful lot going on, including finishing my uni degree. I suddenly got some inspiration for this (Christmas-themed, of course!), but I won't be going back to regular updates. It's just too much hassle. I do have another one mostly done though, so expect an update fairly soon.

Title: Secret Santa

Featuring: Renji, Rukia, Byakuya, Matsumoto

* * *

"What the hell happened to you?" Renji asked, blinking at the sight before him. "And what's that doing in here?"

Rukia spun a little circle. "Do you like it?" she asked. "Inoue made it for me. She said it's a…" She frowned. "A _Christmas _present. It's an elf costume!"

"With rabbit ears on it?" he asked. "And that doesn't explain why there's a tree with things all over it in Taichou's office."

"Elves can have rabbit ears!" she said defensively. "And the tree is for celebrating Christmas."

"What's Christmas?" Renji asked.

"Inoue said it's the best time of year. Everybody gets together and has parties, and they decorate by getting trees and hanging nice glittery things on it."

Renji looked at the tree. Rukia's idea of 'glittery things' included his stapler, a glass paperweight from Byakuya's desk, something that looked suspiciously like Matsumoto's pink scarf and Kon dressed as a gaudy angel on the top. "What are you looking at?" he demanded, glaring at Renji. "Neesan promised me a hug for this!"

"And the best part is the presents!" Rukia proclaimed, waving towards the base of the tree. Renji crouched and found several neatly wrapped parcels scattered around the trunk. "You get to open them on Christmas Day. I need to check with Inoue exactly when that is…"

x

"So Rukia has presents for us under the tree," Renji explained. "I think she's expecting us to celebrate too."

"And what do you expect me to do about it?" Byakuya asked coolly, surveying the tree taking up a corner of his office.

"Well… I'm going to buy her a present," Renji said, shuffling his feet. "It wouldn't feel right if she gave me one but I didn't have anything to give her."

"Do as you will," Byakuya replied. "I will have no part in something so frivolous."

Renji went to the door, but paused on the threshold. "If you change your mind, it's in two days' time," he said quietly.

x

"Merry Christmas, Renji!" Rukia shouted, holding out a package with a big smile.

"Um, Merry Christmas, Rukia," he answered, taking it. "I have something for you, too." He produced a poorly-wrapped box and thrust it at her, embarrassed.

She squealed with delight and ripped the paper off as he tried to work out how to open hers. "Oh, Renji! Thank you!" She leaned over and kissed his cheek, then returned to admiring the Chappy gikongan dispenser as he went bright red.

A bright flash at the doorway signalled a grinning Matsumoto's entrance. "Why, Renji! Your face matched your hair!" she exclaimed, swinging her camera from a finger. "You owe me a really _nice_ Christmas present now."

"Who put this one here?" Rukia asked, holding up a beautifully wrapped present. "The label says 'To Rukia, from Santa.' Who's that?"

"Open it!" Matsumoto urged, thoughts of blackmail temporarily forgotten. "Let's see what it is!"

Rukia carefully unwrapped it, and gasped. A silver necklace with a piece of amethyst half the size of her thumb lay inside, with her name and a tiny snowflake inlaid in it in silver.

"Oh, it's gorgeous!" Matsumoto exclaimed. "Who's it from?"

"I don't know," Rukia said helplessly. "I don't know anyone called Santa!"

x

Outside the door, Byakuya watched the other female shinigami come forward to exclaim over Rukia's present and wonder about the giver. "If you don't know who Santa is, then it is obvious there is still more for you to learn about Christmas," he said quietly. "Perhaps I'll teach you one day." His mouth curved into what on anyone else would be considered a smile, and he left.

_I'm just glad no one saw me sneaking around in that ridiculous red get-up last night, _he thought guiltily.

* * *

I loved the idea of Byakuya dressed up as Father Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone! Or at the very least, happy holidays!


End file.
